Two women were sitting next to me last night at my daughter’s swim class having a conversation that made me wish that I had one of those plastic blow up bats they give out at baseball games to hit them with repeatedly. They were talking about how their husbands don’t buy them flowers/chocolates or any kind of present for Valentine’s Day because the they feel that it is a commercial holiday and don’t want to buy into that stuff.
One woman said to the other, “My husband said that with the money he would spend on roses on Valentine’s Day, he could get me flowers six times throughout the year.” It took every fabric of my being not to turn to her and say, “Yes, but does he? Does he actually buy you flowers six times a year? I’m going to call shenanigans on that one, lady.” Then the other woman says, “My husband doesn’t like to get anything or go anywhere on Valentine’s Day because it’s always crowded at places and seems forced.”
So I closed my eyes and imagined my dream conversation with them going like this.
“Ladies, you are completely fooling yourself and your men have wonderfully snowed you on this holiday. They aren’t buying you flowers because they are protesting. They aren’t buying you flowers because they are cheap and don’t want to put the time and effort into getting them, or getting/doing something else that might take creativity and cash. In my opinion, you should tell them you are protesting sex that night because everyone expects their wife to put out on Valentine’s Day. You should tell him that the effort it takes to give him one mind-blowing orgasm can be spread out to six smaller, less exploding orgasms throughout the year. I’m guessing you’ll get some flowers and chocolate after that conversation…”
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