Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My girlfriends and I like to take a "girls weekend" once a year to catch up, as we all live in different places. It's the only time of the year where we are all together, and it's really important to all of us. However, my girlfriends are all in their mid-twenties and single, while I am married.
This year my friends wanted to go on a four day cruise, and my husband told me that married women don't leave the country without their husbands.
I couldn't believe that anyone would say something like that, as it is so archaic. He also told me that when I go on these weekends I needed to call him for at least an hour a day, and I don't feel like I should have to. I understand that he wants to make sure I'm ok, but I feel like an hour is over-the-top and clingy. What can I tell him to make him see these weekends as a great time to spend time with my closest friends, and not a chance to get wild and forget I'm married?
Keep Your Hands Off My Passport
Dear Keep Your Hands Off My Passport,
First of all, good for you for taking a trip with your friends. That’s an important tradition to continue and you’re lucky to have it in your life. (Although, if you’re over 17-years-old, it should be called a “Women’s Weekend,” not a “Girls’ Weekend.”) (Or maybe not -- that sounds even weirder.) (“Mademoiselle’s Weekend”?)
Anyway, one little, bitty part of your letter really jumped out at me. The little, bitty part where your husband said, “…married women don’t leave the country without their husbands.” And to that I say: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh, man, I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t be so flip and glib about this. But, seriously. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I wonder if your husband ever heard of a couple of old married ladies named Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and Christiane Amanpour? Because I’m pretty sure border control doesn’t pull them off their flights to Europe while they call the husbands to get their okay. Nor do I imagine Madame Secretary telling despotic world leaders to just cool their jets while she has an hour-long conversation with Bill about the mouse he found in the attic. Yep, times have changed, my friend. Like 40 years ago changed.
But here’s your husband’s main issue: he’s insecure. For whatever reason, the thought of you on a cruise ship with a group of single ladies makes him all worried and nutso clingy. And instead of just saying that he feels weird that you’ll be so far away, like a grown-up would, he’s expressing it in Fred Flintstone terms. Me no likey me female on boat! Ugh!
Therefore, I advise you to just reassure him that he can trust you, just like you’d trust him if he went on a trip. Let him know that you wouldn’t expect him to spend an hour a day on the phone with you and he shouldn’t expect that of you, either. You’re there to decompress with your friends, not hold his little hand. And also let him know that if you ever wanted to cheat on him, you wouldn’t have to leave the country to do so. You’d just show up at your neighbor’s house with a six-pack and skanky lingerie. (Well, unless your neighbor looks like my neighbor, Scurvy Steve.)
As someone who's been married for almost 20 years, let me tell you this: a marriage is built on trust, equality and respect for each other’s individual pursuits. So I advise you to reassure your husband, then pack your baggage. And hopefully while you're gone, he'll unpack some of his.
Photo Credit: aek_muldoon.
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