To See Your Face - SAHM Project - Entry Three

8 years ago

Today I get to see the most amazing thing. I get to see the face and features of the little boy who is changing my life.

That's right, today I am getting a 4D sonogram of my little guy! My husband, daughter, and I are going to be stunned I'm sure at the amazing sight of this baby inside my tummy.

I'm also excited because I'm going to have a visual reminder of why I'm making this drastic life change.

You see, I have guilt.

When students call me for advising, they often tell me they are glad to have such a kind and helpful advisor working for them. This makes my gut wrench when I think about leaving them behind in the dust. Who knows what the next advisor will be like. Will they be workaholics like me? Will they make absolutely sure that the needs of the students are met? Will they bust their butt trying to redo policies to make life easier on the students?

My friend from work made a very good point a while back. She said that I need to focus all that energy and caring on the people that really matter; my kiddos and my husband. If I'm working here so passionately, how can I be equally passionate and committed at home?

The truth is, I know I can't do both. Even now when I get home from work, I feel too tired to even hang out with my own daughter. Sure we do homework, read together, and talk, but there is no just all-out fun anymore. I need more energy! It is so sad! And I think when I get to pick her up at 3 when I'm a SAHM, we'll find we have more time together. That will be lovely :)

And housework??? Forget about it! I don't have time or energy for housework on the weeknights! This daunting task usually falls on my husband, who also has too much on his plate, leaving him feeling stressed and overworked.

On top of all this, I'm currently earning my Master's of Science in Counseling. This program takes me away from home two nights a week this semester, and it's absolutely stretching me too thin!

So to get back to my original point, after 3:40 today, I am going to have a picture to look at. A picture that spurs me on and helps me to let go of my ties at work. My boy is the straw that will break the camel's back...and that camel has been having back problems for quite sometime.

I can't wait to see your face, my son!

~ SAHM

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