Scientific Institute for the Study of the Existence of Physical Impossibilities in Regards to Children and Messes

4 years ago

Crop Circles, the Bermuda Triangle, Stonehenge and Easter Island, are but a few of the world's phenomena which boggle our minds. How did they get there? What is their purpose? What do they mean?

But these pale in comparison to the day-to-day anomalies, nay, scientific impossibilities, which I encounter on a regular basis (insert X-Files theme song here).

As such, I've decided to seek funding for my Scientific Institute for the Study of the Existence of Physical Impossibilities in Regards to Children and Messes. I am not sure who I am going to ask for funding, but my proposal will most definitely include the following research studies.

1. Yogurt.
yogurtIt comes in a small container. I even buy the 'mini' size which contains no more than a few spoonfuls of yogurt. Yet, even after my baby eats some of it, when the container is dropped on the ground, the yogurt manages to splatter my entire kitchen. Floor smears, the wall, curtains, nothing is safe. If a CSI unit were to evaluate the scene, I am sure they would conjecture that a 4 L tub of yogurt met a very violent end. How does such a small amount of yogurt create such a mess?

My baby gets a handful of Cheerios at breakfast to munch on while I get breakfast ready; maybe 10 Cheerios. Yet, I find them, throughout the whole house. All day. How do 10 Cheerios in a baby's high chair turn into dozens of Cheerios strewn around the entire house?

3. Car Crumbs.
A close relative of the Cheerios phenomenon, the Car Crumb phenomenon never ceases to boggle my mind. I vacuum up a greater volume of crumbs than food I actually gave my kids. How do snacks that are being eaten, simultaneous multiply in volume?

4. Pee.
I suspect little children come with little bladders. Though I take my toilet training toddler to the washroom on a regular basis, we occasionally experience an accident. How does one small person, with one small, regularly emptied bladder, produce so much pee? I mean puddles. And why are there never accidents in easy to clean up places, like outside, or on the tile? How is it possible that accidents occur exactly when the most amount of clean up damage can occur?

laundry5. Laundry.
How do 2 small people who wear small clothes manage to generate an unlimited, never ending, amount of laundry?

That should be ample for initial government funding. Do you have a phenomena you'd like the Institute to investigate?

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