Run, Baby, Run

5 years ago

I come from a family of runners. When things got bad, too hard, bill collectors started to catch up, we moved. We moved a lot when I was a kid.

And when my mother decided to leave, she did it in the dark of night with only what she could fit in the car and my brothers. No note, no explanation, just gone.

My sister threw all of her things out of her bedroom window and then walked out of the front door to go on a date. She never came back.

When I was younger, I used to think that it was such cowardice. How can you just run instead of taking responsibility, instead of standing up for yourself, instead of owning that this was your life, part of your own
making?

I feel that pull now, now that everything is chaos. I feel
the need to pack up the car, the kid and disappear. I feel like I am crawling
out of my skin, just sitting here waiting. Waiting for what?

In the still and the silence of the sleeping house after everyone has fallen asleep, I think I could do it, I think I could just get in the car and drive, just be gone. There is nothing keeping me here.

To what?

That’s the question that haunts me, that unknown. I am too much of a control freak to not know where the next meal is going to come from, too many questionable factors weighing me down. What happens when the real world catches up to me again, when there is nowhere else left to run? What then? What happens when the Supergirl realizes what I have done and begs to go
back to her home, the only home that she has ever known, the home that she was conceived in?

So, I stay, in this mess that I have partially created. And I wait. 

This is an article written by a member of the SheKnows Community. The SheKnows editorial team has not edited, vetted or endorsed the content of this post. Want to join our amazing community and share your own story? Sign up here.
comments

More from parenting

Parenting
by Claire Gillespie | in an hour
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 21 hours ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | a day ago
Parenting
by Monica Beyer | 3 days ago
Parenting
by Fairygodboss | 4 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 4 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 4 days ago
Parenting
by Pauline Campos | 4 days ago
Parenting
by Caren Lissner | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Claire Gillespie | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 5 days ago