As many of you know, I've written about adoption before, once in 2011 and once in 2012.
Yesterday, my mother asked me, "are you still planning to look for your birthmother?" It was an innocent question, she told me later, after I went and found all the paperwork that might just get me the information I have been craving underneath the surface all this time. Her question opened up something that I've kept on the back burner and I thought, well, no time like the present. Dad agreed me with me, saying, "now is probably a good time, they're getting older now."
Canada has what they call the Adoption Act. It "provides for greater openness in adoption." On November 4th, 1996, it gave adopted people and birth parents the ability to apply to the Vital Statistics Agency to get their provincial adoption records that are on file. The records that are available for someone, such as myself, who was born and adopted in my province will receive a copy of their original birth registration in their birth name as well as the names of any birth parents on record, and a copy of their adoption order provided a disclosure veto has not been filled. You can also put out a no-contact declaration, which is something that I think may be a possibility. Luckily, there is yet another possibility there will be information for me regarding why she or he or they decided to do it.
So, what does this mean for me? Will I contact them if they haven't filled a disclosure veto or a no-contact declaration? That remains to be seen. Each year, my desire to meet them, to learn about them, goes up and down. It's actually one of those things that is really hard to explain. I don't necessarily want to have them in my life, though I probably wouldn't be completely opposted to that. The thing I want most is to say "thank you, you really gave me a great chance at a better life, look at all these things I've done, look who I am." Also I want to know how their lives went. I want them to have had more children if they wanted, to have careers, to have a good life as well. There is no way to begrudge them the same happiness they wanted me to have.
I've spoken to birthmothers before, read their stories, and seen how difficult it was for them. How do you, they have all wondered, give up something so precious, so yours? Children are so special, but here's the thing, I don't look at it as being given up so much, though there were times in my life where I wondered, mostly set on by people who didn't understand there was likely nothing I'd done to offend my birthparents. They just couldn't give me a proper life, so they allowed people who could take me.
I am 26 years old now and one day, I plan to have children of my own, but likely not naturally. I want to adopt just as I have been adopted. I want to give another child the chance to cultivate a life for themselves where their birthparents can't. Having to give your child to someone else isn't a failure, not by a longshot, it is absolutely one of the bravest, most selfless acts to my mind.
Thank you, from the deepest part of my heart, for giving me and those like me a chance to grow and flourish with people who have loved me and those others through it all. Also another deep-hearted thank you to all the adoptive parents out there and lastly, a special shoutout to my mom and dad, who have known the best and worst of me and have never given up on me.
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