Princess Cup Cake

3 years ago
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As we sit here in our new home. With our new jobs, and wonderful outlook on the future, there is always this empty spot.  At the table, in the car, family photos, and gatherings.  All though we know what is missing we try everyday to not be torn by her absence. 
 
Adelia's oldest sister Deja, now 14, has been with her mother in New York for almost 2 years.  We haven't seen her since. 
As a family we are heart broken by this, which was the intention.  So I guess it worked. Were totally ok with this, not for the sake of the battle, but for the sanity of the young lady who needs to know she is missed.
Everything about Deja makes me smile.  Her beauty, kind heart, and her strength.  Her parents are truly lucky.
 
  During the chaos she could have done her own damage.  Yet she chose the higher path. All I can think is rock on with your bad self baby girl.
 
Every night at dinner we ask the kids, how was your day. 
 
Every night I wish we could ask her.  Even though she is a teen and I know the answer will be vague, just being able to ask would be comforting.
 
I myself am her step mother, so of course I am very low on the ladder of people who get phone calls.  Which saddens me greatly. 
 
I miss her.
 
My kids miss her.
 
My husband misses her.
 
I know what it is like to be in separate homes in different states. So the knowledge I have of coping would be unwanted, but I think appreciated in hind site. Besides the fact I would love to be able to say hello, and hear about her day.
 
Or the chance to say, I know you've been pulled apart, and it seems like no one is listening to what you are wanting.  And you'd like to tell everyone, shut the fuck up!!. 
 
Maybe that your heart hurts because you feel obligated to choose or hate with the same passion as everyone you love does.  Not that it would completely change, or fix everything, but just to know she isn't the first, and unfortunately not the last.
 
If I could say anything to her it would be no matter what define yourself.
 
Choose your own path.
 
Never let hate drive you.
 
Love with everything you can, and the consequences may hurt. But its worth it.
 
You can chose your own outcome.
 
You're beautiful.
 
What's happening now will be a mere spec in your life, ten years from now.
 
Its ok to make mistakes, its what you do with the mistakes that will make you better.
 
Most importantly, my own heart hurts, and I miss you.
 
I love you Princess Cup Cake.
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