Okay, so I thought I'd just write a little note to set the record straight for people who are possibly unsure: Pregnancy is actually NOT an invitation to tell me I'm huge.
While we're on the subject, telling someone they're huge is never okay, unless you are a small child with no grasp of tact or an inner monologue, mentally challenged, or a total a-hole. I have been pregnant three times and each time it's the same story.
I see people I haven't seen in a while, they look and smile at my face, then at my belly, and then back at my face and say whatever comes to mind. Guess what? Not interested.
This actually happened to me in the line at the bank the other day. This dude was standing in front of me and did the whole face-belly thing and then stared blankly back at my face. I said, "There's a baby in there," to break the awkward moment and he stuttered something stupid like, "Yeah, I thought so."
SERIOUSLY? Am I like some sort of enigma because I'm carrying a baby? It's like 2013 and 10-year-olds are doing it; why is this so uncomfortable for people? And why, when people are clearly uncomfortable, do they feel the need to speak? Just shut up already. If you don't have anything smart, funny, or interesting to say, just please shut the hell up until you do. In fact, not just when I'm pregnant, but when I'm not. There are also some other "witty" things that people say that sound just like, "You're fat," to those of us who are missing our waist lines already. Here are just a few that you should NEVER say to me or any other woman.
#1 "You've really popped since I last saw you." I'm not even sure what the fuck this means, but it's not nice.
#2 "Are you sure there is only one in there?" If you say this to someone and they punch you in the mouth, you totally deserve it because you suck.
#3 One of my personal favorites... "Holy shit, you're huge!" I'm not even going to justify this one with a comment.
#4 "Any day now huh?" No actually, I have two more months, dick, but thanks for playin'.
#5 "You don't even look pregnant!" Ummm... are you implying that I look like this all the time? I realize people say this as some sort of compliment, but really, spare me.
#6 "I would not have even known you were pregnant if I hadn't looked down." Yep, actual people, in real life, have said this, out loud, to my face.
I'm sure I could sit here all day and write 100 more just like this, but my hope is that I have made my point. Pregnancy is NOT an invitation for you to speak to me in the line at my bank. It is also not okay to say whatever horrible thing you think might be endearing. So, if you have someone in your life that is pregnant, and you have said any of the above ridiculous things to her, shame on you. Call her immediately and offer to come by with an ice cream sundae or a cheeseburger and promise to NEVER say it again. Tell her she's beautiful, amazing, wicked smaht and funny, or if all else fails, just shut up.
Thanks for reading.
@ Next Life, NO Kids
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