About 24 hours ago I was driving home in case the storms that were about to devastate my neighbors to the south came my way. I was listening to the radio so that I could keep track of the storm. My father in law had picked my son up from school in case they got locked down. I couldn't get through on the phone to my husband at all.
I was driving home when the meterologist started telling us that the storm was hitting the casino in Newcastle and was on the same path as the May 3, 1999 tornado, which left a path of destruction in it's wake. I wasn't living here for that event, but my husband was, and he has told me about how awful it was. I try not to worry about the weather simply because it's something beyond my control. However, a tornado is a scary thing, and it's not something that I want to experience.
While I am not a particularly regligious person I began to pray for my friends that live in Moore, and for all of the people in that general direction. Selfishly I said a prayer that this massive storm did not head my way. When the shouting on the radio made it apparent that my friend was living very close to the worst area I prayed for her and her family. I also cried.
My friend is okay. My family is okay. I am thankful for this.
However, at times like this I question why things like this happen? I cannot stop thinking about those children in that elementary school. Periodically I have found myself blinking back tears throughout the day as the newscasters announcement of turning the mission from a search and rescue to a recovery mission plays over and over in my head.
I find that I do not understand a God that allows that many children to die. I find that I cannot fathom a God that would allow those children to be so scared and alone in their final moments. I had a conversation with God on my way to work this morning. I cried as I asked him "why?" And I explained to Him that I do understand that maybe we aren't meant to understand everything that is allowed or is not allowed on this Earth. I told Him that I hope that He has a plan because I certainly don't see one.
I know a lot of people will tell me that it's not my place to question God, but to those people I say they're wrong.
Because I do understand a God that allows me to question Him, and even though I suffer from crisis after crisis in my faith keeps bringing me back to the hope that He is real. I do understand a God that lets me have conversations with Him in my car on the way to work, over a cup of coffee, while on my evening walks, and whenever I feel the need. I do feel that MY God (and your God too) wants me to talk to him and voice my concerns. I think He finds it refreshing that I can believe, question, and challenge things. I think that He has faith in me as long as I am living a good and virtuous life.
I am devastated by what has happened in the state I call home, and I have signed up to volunteer through an organization that I just became a registered volunteer with, The City Rescue Mission. They are partnering with the Red Cross (text red cross to 90999 to help), and with the Food Bank of Oklahoma. I encourage anyone to help in anyway that they can. And not just help in the face of a crisis, but to always help.
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