An Open Letter to the Wicked Witch of West Fargo

4 years ago

Update: You can hear the author of this note try and defend her choice here: http://y94.com/podcasts/y94-morning-playhouse/956/no-candy-for-you/

 

I admit, sometimes it is a struggle to try and come up with something to write about for this blog. I want to write useful, quality articles that won’t waste your time, and it’s not always easy to get started. Sometimes, however, there are things just screaming to be written about. Today I was browsing my usual haunts on Twitter and found this, which you apparently plan on giving out to innocent little children who come to your door tomorrow:

Happy Halloween and Happy Holidays Neighbor!

You are probably wondering why your child has this note; have you ever heard the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”? I am disappointed in “the village” of Fargo Moorhead, West Fargo.

Your child is, in my opinion, moderately obese and should not be consuming sugar and treats to the extent of some children this Halloween season.

My hope is that you will step up as a parent and ration candy this Halloween and not allow your child to continue these unhealthy eating habits.

Thank You

Wow. Where do I begin? Let me understand your plan, it appears that you are going to leave your porch light on, lure in sweet little Power Rangers, Princesses, and Pirates, with the intent of identifying the fat kids so you can educate their parents on how to feed their kids.

Are you a parent? If so, I can only imagine how miserable your kiddos are around the holidays. If not, let me explain a thing or two about kids to you. They are not stupid. When they are fatter than all the other kids in their classes are, they know it. I overheard a pleasantly plump 3rd grade boy on the school playground yesterday talking to his friends about all the things he is going to be able to do when he “gets skinny”.

My kids are “moderately obese” so I assume they would come home with one of your notes. They also can read, and would probably get into their bag and read this before I ever even saw it. Then, they would come to me, hurt and shamed, looking for an explanation.

I would read the letter and die a little inside. Then I would have to explain to them about mean people. You see, instead of you providing an opportunity for us to discuss healthy eating habits, you would be providing us an opportunity to discuss bullies, and how some adults are not always right.

What you are really communicating with your note is that my kids have no right to celebrate this holiday because of their weight. They shouldn’t be allowed to dress up and run around after dark, laughing with their friends and discovering surprises, because they are fat. They should just stay home and have some kale chips, and stay quiet at school when all their friends are talking about their costumes and parties and fun. The same voice that is probably telling us that we shouldn’t be allowed to fly in an airplane is now telling us we shouldn’t be allowed to celebrate what is practically a national holiday.

 

I promise you, the battle for their BMI will not be won or lost on the one night of the year that is Halloween. My kids are not fat because of years and years of gorging on candy every October 31st. The causes of their weight are many and varied, and not one of them will be affected by your note. What will be affected by your note is their hearts. Their tender hearts that already have to put up with this kind of crap at school every single day, will now be attacked in a swift and ruthless fashion, and that is just cruel.

If my children came home with a note like this, I would probably be tempted to put an end to Trick-or-Treating at strangers’ homes altogether. That would be sad, considering that Halloween is the one night a year where people actually get out of their homes and meet and greet their neighbors. Rather than building a village then, you would be tearing ours apart. You would make me want to isolate us further to protect ourselves. Is that what you wanted?

Please, from the bottom of my big fat heart, don’t send these home with the children who come to your door tomorrow. Give them a healthy snack instead of candy and wish them well. Be a good neighbor in the truest sense. Be kind.

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