Open casting call for Real House Wifes of Orange County

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the amigos mama... aka Christina

OK so I think my neighborhood has a severe case of identity crisis going on. That or we are secretly auditioning for an open casting call of the Real housewife's of Orange County or perhaps Jersey Shore. It depend upon which day and who's doing the auditioning! We moved into this neighborhood about 2 months ago despite having heard some "rumors" that the neighborhood had a certain reputation for being a little bit of a party neighborhood. At one point we had almost signed on a completely different lot in a different neighborhood, but I loved the location of this neighborhood, the tree lined streets and I liked the builder that we could only have if we bought this particular lot in this particular neighborhood. So despite the story's I heard of catty house wives who fill the exuberant amount of time they have on there hands by sleeping with each other husbands, engaging in petty sorority girl fights and walking around looking like a bleached and plucked barbie... I dove head first into the shallow water with no regards to the do not dive sign!

Although I have noticed from the time that we moved in that I was the only mommy driving her child to school in a mini van I don't think it dawned on me until today just how out of place I really did look! My sons school is located in our neighborhood so it doesn't take that long to get there but in the short 5 minute drive it did take I passed at least 8 hummers, all decked out with wheels that jacked the car so far off the ground that I don't know how any human being could get in little lone a child. If you were not driving a Hummer you could most likely categorize your car into one of the following
Escalade
Land Rover
Lexus SUV
or some other large gas guzzling SUV
Upon arriving at the school I started taking note of all the Mommy's walking there children in. Is there a playboy convention in town or did I just miss the memo that this was "drop your child off to school in stilettos day". There is no humanly way that any of these women rolled out of bed looking like this when they woke up. Most days I drive my son to school I'm lucky if I have time to change out of my pajama pants and throw my hair in a pony tail. My daily showers don't take place until after my laundry's done, dishes are cleared and I've managed to put every toilet seat in the house back into its correct position. Shit my husband considers it an act of foreplay if I shave my legs every time I take a shower. What planet are these women from. How do they have time for this? Is there a new breed of Mommy's that I'm not aware of? Everyone of them looked like they had just come from the beauty salon where they were waxed lazared, botoxed and tanned. Hell here I was giving myself props that I had managed to brush my teeth and find matching socks before I left the house and the lady in front of me literally has lips that arrive 10 seconds before the rest of her face.
And worse than the fact that all these women seem to have nothing better to do than wake up at 5am to get dressed up to take their children to school is the fact that they all seem very superficial and mean. I waved at one lady walking in front of my car the other day only to have her snub her nose back at me. What a bitch. By the way... Your nose job looks fake and your boobs are too big for your anorexic body. Ye aha I'm pretty sure I missed the part of our neighborhood covenants that read unless you are a Busty, blond ,judgemental busy body you wont fit in here.
I have to go I have parent teacher conferences tonight and if I have any hope of looking like I fitting in, I'm going to have to start right now... oh who the hell am I kidding I'm going to watch Murray and eat bon bons!

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