OMG! Onesies Are a Gateway Drug for Grandmas

5 years ago

Something weird has happened now that I'm going to be, OMG, a grandmother -- I've started shopping. Or feeling compelled to shop. It's kind of scary because I do not like to shop. I'm not talking about buying the crib and the bedding, that's a given -- I'm talking about the urge to buy every cute onesie on the face of the earth. How many onesies does a baby need? Apparently Johnny Mac Pippin needs them all. And a whole lot more, to boot.

I blame Michelle, my 22 year old who works at Target. I was FINE until she forced me (literally) to come into Target to look at the PERFECT onesie. She was right; it was perfect and I bought it and everything would have been fine. But onesie shopping is addictive and it's also a gateway shopping drug because I haven't stopped shopping or feeling compelled to shop ever since.

I justified the purchase of some onesies by saying "It's on clearance and I have a coupon!", which is fine -- it was and I did and we bought a 6 months size, not a newborn size. And I could not resist the footed sleeper with little frog feet -- Jenn might collect elephants but Michelle Belle loves frogs, and it was CUTE, dammit. Johnny Mac Pippin will look adorable in that sleeper. (And I've heard it is cold in Hawaii at night, right?) And there was another footed sleeper that came with a cute little net washing machine bag thing, so tiny socks don't get lost in the wash. Totally adorable and useful, too.

After onesies and footed sleepers, I started buying books which is ridiculous because Johnny Mac Pippin hasn't even made his appearance in the world yet but he's well stocked with children's classics. (Like Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel and Bread and Jam for Francis and Katy No-Pocket and I could go on, but you get the picture, right?) And I bought some Indestructibles because I've been trying to find the indestructible, washable books my kids had when they were tiny and come up empty. These seemed to be similar and they're very cute -- but I'm still searching for THOSE books my kids had and I guarantee you if I find them, I'll be buying those too. I haven't bought the BabyLit board books, yet, and I did stop myself from purchasing a book that will be perfect for Johnny Mac Pippin when he's 10, I do have some self-control.

But not much.

We were at O'Hare last week, picking up Michelle and waiting for her luggage to come around on the carousel. As we stared at the opening of the baggage claim belt, a box came out. I peered at it. I peered at it some more. I probably said "hmmm" out loud and I felt TW glaring at me. I looked away from the box and into her eyes and she said, "No. No. Johnny Mac Pippin does not need a scooter." Which is true, he doesn't -- not right now. However, some day soon, he will definitely need a scooter and that one looked interesting. I must research scooters, so I'm ready to buy just the right one for Johnny Mac Pippin.

But then again, I haven't bought a single toy or stuffed animal -- but I'm on the look out for the perfect Kangaroo with Joey, have you seen one?

And then, last night, Jenn sent me a text with a picture of a cute sailor suit onesie that she was looking for -- I found it and planned to buy it which led me to think about baby shoes. Johnny Mac Pippin would need some cute shoes with that onesie and I planned to surf baby shoes today. Good thing I didn't buy that onesie, Jenn bought it while I was asleep -- she also found infant Sambas (just like his dad wears) while I was asleep (damn her, I wanted to buy them!)

I tried making some Pinterest boards to help control the urge to shop, but pinning cute things isn't quite the same thing as buying cute things. Pinning has been useful in other ways though. I'm trying to decide which cloth diapers to send and because cloth diapers have changed an awful lot since I had babies, I posted a couple of options and asked which were better. I got some feedback. That's good, Johnny Mac Pippin needs the BEST cloth diapers. Pinning has also kept me from taking a wee detour into the brand new baby super center, Wonder, that opened by our house last fall. I'm afraid of what might happen if I go into that store.

Onesies are a gateway shopping drug. Someone take away my credit card -- wait, don't take it away yet. Tell me what the smartest, most awesome little boy in the world NEEDS his grandmother to buy for him. (Oh, and my daughter and son-in-law, the parents -- do they need any of those new baby care gadgets?)

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