A Not-So-Humble Holiday Shout Out

5 years ago

I'm already behind on my Christmas to-do list. It's December 4th and I have YET to get started on our Christmas cards. I got out of doing them last year because I played the "We're in the middle of moving and I'm just so overwhelmed and emotional" card, but I'm all out of excuses this year. Dammit.

So, that's my goal for this week.

Get ass in gear to design picture perfect Christmas card even though we never really look like that except for this one occasion but I'd like for people to think so which is kind of a lost cause since I've pretty much blown our cover with this blog.

Maybe I'll just wear my work out clothes and let the kids wear their jeans and t-shirts. That would more accurately capture our every day look. OR if we wait until Saturday to take the picture - as long as I take it before, say 3 p.m. - we could do one in our jammies. I'll try to find matching ones so we can at least be festive. The creative juices are really starting to flow.

In the meantime, I thought I'd take on a new holiday tradition (and by tradition I mean this one time) by writing a holiday "brag letter". That's right. Very out of character for me, but there's just so much good shit going on with us that I'd like to shout it from a mountain top. But since we don't live in the mountains anymore the internet will just have to do. So brace yourselves. Jealousy is about to ensue.

Dear Friends and Family,

Cheers and Happy Holidays!

I hope this letter finds you all doing well. Since many of you aren't on Facebook to see an online play-by-play of our lives, I thought I'd catch you up on some of our happenings this year.

As you probably know, we moved to California. It really is a beautiful state and we live in close proximity to so many amazing landscapes. It is also among one of the highest taxed states in the nation so we're getting pretty psyched about April 15th. Refunds are such. a. drag. I'm SO glad we won't be getting one this year to argue about what we should use it for. One less thing.

Another benefit of living on the West Coast is that we all know that a higher price means a higher quality. We hardly ever have to pay less than $4/gallon for gas! Our regular unleaded is better than your regular unleaded. So suck it.

We bought a house! The decor wasn't our style, so we did a lot to "make it ours" before we moved in. In an attempt to be budget-conscious, we decided to do several of the smaller projects ourselves. We learned lots about home improvement and neither of us threatened to contact an attorney. True love and all. We also had the opportunity to start over on several projects, which was good practice in perseverance. Never give up! Not to mention that at the end of the day we saved tens of dollars by being do-it-yourself-ers! Yay!

Dimples has lost a lot of teeth this year! His baby teeth were so perfect and evenly spaced that I was beginning to worry that he was going to miss out on the thrill and excitement of braces. Fortunately, it looks like they are coming in just catawampus enough that he, too, will be able to experience the modern miracle of orthodonture. Whew. That's a load off.

Tink has really blossomed in her new school. She's still quite small for her age, but has used that opportunity to continue ordering from the 10 and under kids menus (even though she's 11 - such a little rebel, that one). I am personally thrilled that she's of smaller stature, as it aids in my denial that the teen years are right around the corner. I can still count on one hand the number of times she has rolled her eyes at me and any smart mouthing has been done cautiously beyond my earshot. She's one smart cookie.

Charming's new job has proven to be quite an undertaking. He travels much more than he did before, but on the up side he averages 3 nights a week of getting to set the room's sleeping temperature just below freezing without listening to me complain about my borderline hypothermic extremities (and proving it by putting my feet on his back in protest). It also appears that spending lots of time away from the comforts of home make your wife's disdain for housekeeping seem like an insignificant detail, and sloppy joes now qualify as a home-cooked meal. Everyone wins!

As for me, I have had my eyebrows waxed no less than 11 times this year. A thorough waxing lasts the average person 6 weeks. But I kind of like to think of myself as slightly ABOVE average. And if you do the math, 11 times in a year works out to be just over every 4 1/2 weeks. Booyah. If my late 30's have shown improvement in any area, it's the ability to grow facial hair faster than any woman on Earth. Go ahead and grab a tissue to wipe away your tears of resentment.

The dogs seems to have adjusted quite nicely to the move. I was a little concerned that they might have some issues with the new house, but Oliver still pisses on chair corners and Autumn still digs holes in the flower beds. A seamless transition is what we've seen here.

Well, that about sums up our year. I know. It's a lot to digest. I hope you will consider remaining in contact once your envy subsides.

Kisses and Hugs!


~Our Badass Family~

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