This was the boys LAST YEAR in Winter. They were about 9 mos old in these pics and still in the Graco Snugride with the Kiddopotamus Posh Pouch over it, and wearing winter hats. Taken in December 2008...
Now HERE is today's pic. 10 mos later! Bundled up. Mittens, hats in pockets, arriving at Kindermusik today. They just crashed and burned for a nap after twirling, dancing, singing and playing all kinds of tribal and non-tribal instruments so I am throwing it up here. The snow? Gone! Darn... but I am sure there will be many a moment to show scenes of them playing against a backdrop of snow this winter.
In snow thou comest -- by Emily Dickinson
In snow thou comest --
Thou shalt go with the resuming ground,
The sweet derision of the crow,
And Glee's advancing sound.
In fear thou comest --
Thou shalt go at such a gait of joy
That man anew embark to live
Upon the depth of thee.
I hear the guys singing in their cribs but will start this entry.
Last night, BFF Sherri and her son A came over to play. We had a blast. The boys just love A. It was lightly snowing when she left.
I was awakened in the middle of the night (waaah) and struggled to sleep as winds from our first 'noreaster whipped the house and the trees surrounding our house were cracking like horsewhips against equines straining for the finish line.
Same Old Lang Syne - by the late Dan Fogelberg, one of my favorite singers and people (I've worked for him quite a few times, he was a lovely person)
I woke (kind of, I am REEEEAAAALLY tired) at 6am to blog but it seemed to take forever to make coffee and eat my 1/2 bagel this am. As I walked to the window, the wind is slowly dying down but beautiful, light airy flakes of snow are circuitously whirling. So the 'noreaster is still raging. It reminds me of the scene in American Beauty (one of my favorite films) where the plastic bag whirls around and around in the wind high above the solid ground. I think that was foreshadowing -- the bag was meant to be a human and the wind, God, or the forces of nature, taking over... we have no control over life except the choices we make, good or bad. Instead of a white bag, it's white flakes of snow.
The ground is getting covered in a duvet of white flakes. I wonder if I will be breaking out the double sled this weekend. We have two. One for the boys, one for me and the DH. The golf course is a stunning course with a LOT of hills. Difficult to walk hills. So I wonder how the sledding will be.
The DH didn't make it home last night. He was stuck. But I am mighty joyful that he told me he isn't getting sent to Toronto to work for the winter. Yeah! He won't have to deal with customs and I won't have to deal with him not being stateside. I pray he gets sent to a DC project so the boys and I can live w/him down there and I can be with my beloved, and my beloved M family. And my buddies. It would be wonderful.
I have this feeling we are going to have a brutal winter. Most of you who read this blog regularly, know that I spent most of the summer gone and I was home only 1 week of the summer. I heard enough about how bad the summer was (cold, wet and raining and awfully dark) to know that, as a New Englander that does not bode well for the winter.
Yesterday when I was on the phone with Beth chatting as I made my way to the Student Center with the boys, the sky was pregnant with moisture. I could feel the snow. I told her it was going to snow and when Sherri walked thru the door we both could feel it. I guess those of you who don't live in areas where it snow would not know what that feeling and sight is like so I will describe it.
The sky gets low and grey, and you can feel the clouds bowing down towards the earth, as if pregnant with moisture and wanting to release something. Ususally that something is snow. If it isn't cold enough, it will be sleet or freezing rain. You get this "feeling". And well, it snowed. In mid-October.
If I take the boys out today (we live on a massive hill and if it freezes here I am not budging, it is scary to drive up and down the hill during snow and freezing rain conditions and I am a very skilled New England driver that can drive through snowstorms at 60 mph w/no kids in the backsteat and no fear) to Kindermusik I will let them run around in the snow and capture these moments of them frolicking in their first snow...
I gotta run. The boys are singing a chorus from the cribs that is undeniable. Not crying... they hardly cry. But fully awake and ready for the day, both of them. As I do every morning, I run in there and cry out "hey!" They wiggle with joy and then I start singing to them as I pull down the blackout window shade. Snuggled in my arms and the crook of my neck, I start the day with joy for them, as the day ends with joy for them... and it is one of the most special, wonderful part of MY DAY. Feeling them snuggle in, secure and loving, trusting and happy...
... happy mom=happy sons. I make sure that every day, is as wonderful as I can make it for them! I don't know if I wrote this before, but wow. Toddlerhood was something I didn't think I would like. I LOVE IT! Every day is a new adventure and amazing.
Yesterday, A clearly said to me "can I get down". Whoah. N says "good job!" They both say "thank you". And mean it. I am just amazed at how verbal they are getting and putting 4 words together, and making sense, flabbergasted me yesterday. They are bold, brave and now that the asthma is controlled, strong and super active.
I could not ask for more in my life. In these awful economic times, yes, the DH is a traveling man and it's not easy for us. But he has a job. The boys are healthier, day by day, with the best docs around. I am strong and loving motherhood. The DH is such a wonderful babbas to these kids. They worship him. Somehow I feel like, wow... this is a dream, a beautiful dream that I pray will stay forever this way.
I know that they will grow up and gain complex thought and emotions through life experience. It will be for certain that this little family of ours, will give them nothing but positive experiences, so that they may savor life, and not create chaos, dysfuction nor negativity. That's our goal. We hope they will bring happiness to the table of life!
I will end this entry with a quote vs. starting with a quote. I love Emily Dickinson (and she was a New Englander) so had to throw up that poem she wrote about snow.
Here's the quote and it is so true. The most defining moments of my life? The day I got married (and our 19th anniversary is coming up soon) and the moment the boys were born. Those are the moments of my life that I savor and remember with incredible gratitude and joy.
We do not remember days, we remember moments.
I strive to erase the moments of difficulties and pain that have been thrown my way. I remember when I had cancer, so many people told me I was a living example of grace under enormous suffering and pain. When I remained childless... the same. I want to give hope to those of you suffering. Find the joy in a moment, whenever you can. Yesterday's joy for me was hearing A say "Can I get down?". And every morning, the joy of hearing the little men calling me from the cribs "mama, mama" and the way they pronouce mama. It is pronounced in the Greek manner, similar to the British way of saying ma-ma. It doesn't sound pretentious.
I did this deliberately. They have me, their mother... and the woman (our former surrogate) who, along with my DH, their babbas, gave them life. Down the road, when and if they decide they want to have a relationship with her (notice how I wrote, THEY, it is not my choice, nor is it hers) that is open and honest... they can call her whatever they choose and neither she, nor I would ever feel marginalized by whatever they choose. The mama is a unique honorific. They would never call her mama in a million years... it is uniquely Greek in the way it is pronounced. I don't ever want them, or her, or their half-siblings, to feel awkward down the road over what to call her.
I operate totally out of respect in this life. I live by the Golden Rule. I strive every day, to make sure that these boys don't have pain or confusion, in any manner. If they learn negative life lessons, it won't be from me or the DH. Ever. I will save that for random life experience, school, and whatever happens down the road that cannot be controlled by anyone but God.
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