Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Every January 1st, I make a lengthy list of New Year's Resolutions for myself. It's usually stuff I think I need to work on like "lose weight," "get in shape," "be a better mom," "get organized," etc. However, each year I fail to make it even a couple of weeks before I break all of my resolutions and go back to my regular, lazy ways. Any advice on how I can be more successful this go-round?
Dear Resolution Breaker,
The obvious problem here isn’t your lack of will power or your inability to commit to making positive changes in your life. Nope, not at all. Rather, the problem is your bullshit list of resolutions. Of course you're going to break a bunch of Draconian rules that involve being a healthy, loving and organized person! I mean, even Mother Theresa was probably eating fried food and smoking cigarettes in her car by January 5th. You’re making this New Year’s thing way too hard.
That’s why this year you need to give yourself a list of idiot-proof resolutions. A few goals that are totally easy to accomplish, yet you’ll still feel a huge sense of accomplishment when you’re able to follow them all year long. Here are just a few to get you started:
1. Resolve to never, ever hit on that teenage bagger at the grocery store who has a major skin condition and six fingers on his left hand. Easy! (Well, unless you’re SWD: Shopping While Drunk.)
2. Resolve to always watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta, even the ones featuring Phaedra and Apollo. And then resolve to give your husband a minute by minute recap while he's trying to sleep. Fun!
3. Resolve to yell at your kids at least once a day. (Twice, if it’s their birthday or a major holiday.) If you don’t have anything to yell at them about, make something up!
4. Resolve to gain enough weight so you can finally fit into your maternity pants again. Be sure to stick to a rigid 3,500 calorie a day diet and no exercise for at least a month. It'll be hard, but you can do it!
Or I guess you could instead realize that making a list of rules to follow each year only sets you up for failure. Instead, tell yourself that you’re a work in progress and start making small changes to your life. If you want to eat better, start eating better, no matter what the date. If you slip up, start again. And again. And again. And don’t put pressure on yourself with lofty things like “be a better mother.” Rather, be more mindful of how you're treating your children and how you can make it better for all of you.
Remember, January 1st can be a time to start fresh and make positive changes. But so can July 1st or November 1st. It's all up to you.
Happy New Year!
Photo Credit: sally_12.
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