Never Too Old to Rock and Roll, But Maybe Too Old for Red Leather Pants

3 years ago

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I'm going to my first rock concert in years. What am I supposed to wear? I want to look good, but not like a middle aged woman trying too hard. Suggestions?

I Wanna Rock


the crowd at the concert pulls his hands up 2 photo via Shutterstock.

Dear I Wanna Rock,

A rock concert? How exciting! Well, if by "rock concert" you don't mean you're seeing The Wiggles. Are they even still touring? I'm not sure if they are because I heard a rumor that the Red Wiggle is currently serving time in Thailand for smuggling a brick of heroin in his Wiggle pants. But hey, no judgments here. I'm sure I'd do the same thing if I had to sing "Fruit Salad" 5,000 f-in times to a crowd that won't be allowed to hold up lighters for another 18 years.

Now let's talk about your clothes!

If you, like me, grew up in the 70's or 80's, you probably know that the number one rule of concerts is this: Never Wear The Band's T-Shirt to the Band's Concert. Sorry, but that's just the way it goes. I didn't make that rule, man, I just abide by it no matter how badly I want to show off my MANILOW ROCKS t-shirt to Barry while he's belting out "Mandy." Maybe some day legislation will be passed to make it okay, but for now, don't do it.

As far as other things you shouldn't wear if you don't want to look like you're trying too hard, my list would include:

  • Red leather pants
  • Red leather jacket
  • Red leather fanny pack
  • One of those Florida t-shirts that's shredded on the bottom and/or airbrushed with the word "Bangerz"
  • A confederate flag bikini
  • Hooker Pirate boots
  • KISS make-up

And my list of what you should wear includes:

  • Whatever the hell you want, baby

Seriously, the last concert I went to was Bruno Mars and the fashion rules in the stadium that night seemed to be "Anything Goes" and "Muffintops Be Damned." So wear what you think you looks good on you if it also allows you to make easy visits to the restroom. (Meaning, no jumpsuits or catsuits or rompers.) And if you need more inspiration, check out my friend Nancy's blog because Nancy is middle-aged, goes to rock concerts all of the time and guess what? She looks damn good doing it.

Rock on,
Wendi, TMH

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