At my wits end

7 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.

I'm not sure how I have made it this long, and WHY it took till near the last semester to SEE it! I knew my son had difficulty learning, he was/is a slow learner, one reason I took him out of public school, I felt he wasn't getting the attention he needed, with 30+ other children.
As I suspected he was seated in the back of the classroom, and since he was such a quiet boy - he was forgotten! LITERALLY forgotten!! I say that because several times, he came home with no homework...I asked him why and he said, they had none....kinda odd for a 1st grader not to have a homework packet for the week.
I let it slide and did my own thing with him.

I questioned the teacher whenever I could catch her, and she said they HAD homework, evidently she was not concerned at the fact that my son 'sometimes' did not hand his in, no questions asked, come to find out she "forgot" to give my son his packet, or check off his monthly calender, or just flat out forgot to GIVE him his calender altogether.

Needless to say my son got poor grades, I would talk to her when I picked him up daily - she would tell me he was doing great. Report card times - it clearly showed he was not, she was no help at helping me find solutions - I was on my own, as long as he was showing up, alls well I guess. He had been bounced around to 2-3 different classes within the year, for reasons I still don't know.

This year I home schooled him, along with my other 3 children. I mainly wanted him, it was just much easier - time wise and $$ wise to do them all. Plus there were problems with bullying.


Everyone told me I was crazy to home school all 4, maybe I am...


But, anyway, here we are about 9 weeks left of school, and I am so close to throwing in the towel. Not with all of them. But my one son. The others breeze through their lessons with ease. Ja-den on the other hand - doing one lesson, no matter which it is, I mine as well sit down and pull his fingernails out one by one - thats basically what our day to day is.

He wakes up, perky, and eager to start with the day with his most hated lesson Phonics! He is in the 2nd grade, technically, but his core lessons are 1st grade - he failed public school last year - shocker.
But as soon as we sit down to begin his phonics lesson - he turns into a limp, extremely soft spoken kid. By limp I mean - he curls up in the chair, if asked to 'finger-stretch' words (hold up one finger per sound in a word) its like he has 2 tons of bricks tied to his finger - the effort it takes him to finger stretch the word CAT - its PURE torture, and takes 10x longer then it should!
He also gets completely stressed when asked to write ANYTHING!!!! asked to write the word 'FIN' today - took about 5 minutes, of me repeating the word, him looking everywhere in the room he could without moving his head, hoping the word and letters would fall onto his paper, that went on for 15 minutes, due to the fact he had to write 20 words out. The world crashed when he had to add the 'Super 'e' to those words AND read them :(

Reading is a chore in itself, he can read a word in a sentence, and if its in the next sentence - he forgets what the word says.

Now he is working on 1st grade Phonics, sometimes I think he'd be better off with kindergarten phonics with my Kindergartner - obviously its too late in the year to switch him, and to teach him that along with my kindergartner, PLUS his phonics....would not go over too well.


I have had Ja-den evaluated, and gotten his report back, he is to be put in Special Education classes, and I have an I.E.P. for him at the end of the month, it kinda worries me because wea re almost done with the school year and all this is happening now. Ok, its good that its happening, but a month or so of special ed classes, then its stopped. I am in the process of asking for a summer home school option for him.


I'm not sure what happened along the way - around the beginning of school he seemed to do fine, well, no, I had him working with my 1st grader, since they have the same core lessons I put them together - and then noticed, Ja-den getting very frustrated when his little brother finished a worksheet faster, he he got a better grade. So I separated them, Ja-den was getting intimated with math, so I held my other son back a lesson or two, since he was excelling in math - So now Ja-den is ahead of him - it was like day and night!!! Phonics, Ja-den is SEVERAL lessons behind my other son Tre-von. He's not bothered thankfully. Tre-von can cover an entire unit (of 5 lessons) in one day. Ja-den struggles through 1 lesson a day.

Its getting hard to say the least, I explain to his teacher weekly - "its seems like he is getting worse and worse" I'm not sure if he's just gotten bored with school - so late in the year, or if it truly is that difficult for him :(


I'm having him seem by his Dr, I wish sooner then later. The psychologist that evaluated him for special education mentioned ADHD (which I have questioned many many times with him and have seen first hand now that I am teaching him) she mentioned Speech therapy, ( he had before, but the public school, got his forms mixed up and he stopped receiving it - long story. I have read on certain dyes in his foods - I am considering changing his diet.
He has anger/temper problems, that showed through like a rainbow this weekend when he put his fist through his bedroom window because his little sister would not stop singing to her stuffed animal, and his little brother would not stop reciting a movie line.
If one of his siblings is happy about something, he has to scream his frustration, the slightest little things set him off. He cries, what seems like non stop daily - the silliest little things trigger him.


UGH I feel like I have blogged about him a hundred times already - explaining the same thing over and over again. :( I have people sending me link after link, articles left and right - I don't know if my child has SOME form of autism, if he truly is ADHD, ADD, OCD - I just want to know how my little boy THINKS!! I'm sure alot of moms dealing with autism and all the abbreviations also want.

It doesn't make matters better when I express my concern to his father, and he is NO help!!!! He sees Ja-den's temper as a 'family' thing....not so much as 'issues' with him. I told him he was accepted to be in special education, and HE took offense...? not HIS son!!
I expressed my wanting to get him tested for ADHD.....his first response "you better not me drugging my son for none of that BS" REALLY????
I've never been a fan of medicating a ADHD/ADD child - but I never saw it first hand, I never knew what others dealt with that resulted in medication. I'm seeing it now.
If I can avoid it with a certain diet - then so be it.
Then starts the arguments, daddy disagrees, tries to put his foot down......yet he also wakes and goes to work before the kids get up, he works all day while I, alone am home teaching all 4 children, while doing housework in between, he comes home when school is done, and the house is STILL in shambles - and wants to try to tell me I'm not going to do this - REALLY??? AS IF you know first hand what I deal with daily.....???

It all makes me sick to my stomach, I feel I am alone in everything, that has to medically deal with him, I KNOW he has issues, I want to say mental issues without sounding mean. Daddy on the other hand, wants to hold strong to the macho thing "not my son" YES your son!!!
Its just really sad that I am fighting a battle with someone, that should be just as concerned as I am. I can see it coming from OUTSIDE.
So I am fighting this alone, and I have gotten to the point, I hardly tell him anything anymore. :/
I WILL find out what these 'issues' are if it kills me, if I have to do it alone - then so be it, thats why I am his mother!!

More from parenting

by Lindsey Hunter Lopez | in 4 hours
by Jennifer Mattern | 2 hours ago
by Sarah Caron | 17 hours ago
by Madison Medeiros | 18 hours ago
by Claire Gillespie | 20 hours ago
by Jane Chertoff | a day ago
by Leticia Barr | 2 days ago
by Jennifer Kirk | 2 days ago
by Cristina Velocci | 2 days ago
by Monica Beyer | 3 days ago
by Kim Grundy | 3 days ago
by Jennifer Mattern | 3 days ago
by Maria Mora | 3 days ago
by Jennifer Mattern | 3 days ago
by Allison Hope | 3 days ago