You know that game parents play where we internally compare our kids to other people’s kids? The one where your friend’s kids always seem to be faster and better and smarter, etc.? Well, I’ve got you all beat. My kid is the SLOWEST when it comes to meeting milestones.
That’s right. I win. Wait, I lose? Whatever.
Suffice it to say that Mr. M is the last of the last when it comes to everything baby-related. Up until a few weeks ago, the kid only had his two bottom teeth. Did I mention he’s 15 months old? When he finally did get a couple more teeth, instead of getting his two front teeth, he got the outer incisors. Boyfriend was looking like a vampire.
And then, as if worrying about x-raying his head to check for teeth weren't enough, I get to worry about the fact that the kid REFUSES to walk. He just won’t do it. I thought for certain he would follow suite with the trend his siblings had set and be my fastest walker yet—though it wouldn’t have taken much to beat C’s standing record of walking at 12.5-months-old.
But nope. Apparently crawling is more efficient when one is trying to evade the clutches of a loving older sister who wants to play "smother the baby" again. Crawl like the wind, little buddy!
Kid has no teeth and won’t walk. What else could he possibly be slow about? Let’s see here. He was still taking a bottle up until two days ago, and that’s just because I ran out of bottle liners and was forced to give him warmed whole milk in a sippy cup. Apparently the 50th time is the charm with that one. Duh.
And don’t even get me started on sign language. He FINALLY does the sign for “more” but would rather point and grunt than sign anything else, though I guess he’s technically not the latest with sign language.
When I was trying to teach Puddins how to sign I would grin and say the words “more please” in my best preschool teacher voice while signing for him. Then I’d wait with baited breath for him to mimic my gestures. Instead he’d just look at me like I was an idiot and say “mo peez.” Boy was ahead of his time.
Maybe he used up the family allotment for early milestone abilities.
I’ve heard that your last baby will always be the baby of the family. I have not, however, heard that your last baby will literally stay a baby forever. Please join me in praying that this kid at least starts walking soon. ‘Cause honestly, as much as I love little babies and have tried to soak up every last second of his baby-ness, I’m just not sure how much more my back can take. I’ll be that mom carrying a teenager around in a Bjorn. Awesome.