My Daughter Doesn't Care to Go To College -- Is That Okay?

3 years ago

iStock_000011763147Small

(photo by iStockphoto.com)

"Mom, I don't really want to go to college," my 13-year old daughter mentioned casually over hamburgers one night.

"What?  Why not?" I gasped in horror, then I turned to my equally horrified husband.  We have always had the expectation that both of our kids would go to a university.  In fact, both David and I never expected anything less of ourselves when we were growing up, and David even went on to earn a medical degree post-college.  We are higher education people!

So, where did we go wrong?

"What I really want to do is hair and makeup.  Can't I just get a license to do that and go on with my career?  Besides, I'm just going to get married and become a mom someday."

Oh, the humanity...!

To Meg and Josh, I have always been a stay-at-home mom, so maybe they've come to believe that as the norm and, perhaps, ideal.  They don't know my former life as a computer professional for which I earned a degree in Information and Computer Science from University of California at Irvine.  Yes, I used to wear pantyhose and dryclean-only clothes and actually get a salary.  I did the 9-to-5 grind and spent the weekends working on my music, dreaming of one day becoming a full-time musician.

Even after David and I got married and he eventually became a physician, it never dawned on me that I wouldn't be "earning my keep."  He was supportive of my desire to ditch the computer work to pursue music full time, and I was in the midst of really trying to make it work when we started to have kids.  I tried to continue touring and working in the biz for a while, but it just became too hard to juggle family and a musician's life.  It just made more sense for me to stay home as David's income was much more stable than mine.  So, I became a stay-at-home mom and a part-time musician.

Maybe I complained one too many times that my computer science degree was a complete waste in light of what I do now.  Maybe we stressed the importance of character over grades a little too much.  Or perhaps we lamented too often about the cost of higher education and the burden of student loans.  In any case, somehow our daughter -- our beautifully smart, highly intelligent young lady -- got the idea that college would not be a necessary part of her life.

Although I wouldn't describe myself as a feminist, I am grateful for the pioneers who opened the way for me to pursue whatever I wanted, never being held back due to my gender.  I wasn't limited to becoming a stay-at-home mom, although in the ended I chose to become one.

Then I started to think that maybe Meg has a point.  Part of the freedom now afforded to women is the ability to make choices in life.  And if that choice involves doing something she truly enjoys for a number of years before becoming a wife and mom, maybe it's not such a bad thing...with or without a college diploma.

I do think that this girl would be wasting her high intellect if she doesn't go to college.  In fact, the academic world would be missing out on a gem of a student if she chooses a trade school instead of a university.  We tried to persuade her into college for its many benefits -- speaking and writing more intelligently, being challenged to think outside the box, learning the smarts to run her own business as a makeup artist or stylist, and generally having the respect from society for getting a college degree -- but to no avail.  When we brought up the fun she would have in the dorms with other co-eds, however, she became slightly more interested.

Meg is only in 8th grade, so it's still quite possible that she would change her mind during the next four years.  Although David and I are starting to feel less inclined to push her towards college if that's not what she wants to do, this is still a bitter pill for us to swallow.

Anyone else facing a similar situation?

This is an article written by a member of the SheKnows Community. The SheKnows editorial team has not edited, vetted or endorsed the content of this post. Want to join our amazing community and share your own story? Sign up here.
comments

More from parenting

Parenting
by Maria Douglas | 12 hours ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 15 hours ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 16 hours ago
Parenting
by Allison Cooper | 2 days ago
Parenting
by Zlata Faerman | 4 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 4 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 4 days ago
Parenting
by Madeleine Deliee | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Lindsay Tigar | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Bethany Ramos | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Megan Zander | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Madeleine Deliee | 6 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 6 days ago