Now that I have the "All American Life", I find myself selfishly wondering what if?
But, is it selfish? Is it truly selfish to, obsessively, wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't met Chad? Maybe I am having a Mid-Mommy Crisis (yes, I made that up). I know I am a lucky woman. I know I have a life that many want, or need. As my single bestfriend reminded me "The grass isn't always greener on the otherside".
When I was growing up, I wanted to be a writer, I wanted to be a teacher, I wanted to be an ultrasound tech, but, most of all I wanted to be a mommy. Now, I want to be a teacher, a writer, an ultrasound tech, anything but what I am. I don't want this joke of a job with bosses that are cold hearted. I don't want to drive a car, I want to drive a SUV. I want to travel. I want to go to movies. I want a vacation. I want....well, I want my Mommy.
Why is it that I am having such "I could have..." thoughts when I have a wonderful life that I have always dreamed of?
I was laying in the bathtub on Saturday, willing my sinus infection to go into hibernation, when it hit me. I don't want a new life. I just want validation. I want to know that what I do and what I am deserves merit. I want to know that I am good at what I do. I want to feel like I matter.
Excuse my language, but F***, being a Mommy and a wife means, you don't matter a lick anymore. Your soul purpose is to keep the gears oiled. To be the watchout. To be the lighthouse. To be the engine that keeps this train (trainwreck) moving.
The problem is I want to be admired. I want to feel important. When I've been puked on, I want to be told that I make that puke look good. Validation. Not just me, everyone. Everyone needs it. Why do we get so caught up in our own lives that we can't take a second to remind someone that they are doing an excellent job at life?
I want to validate you now, I want to be the person to show you that you matter. That you are doing a kickass job at whatever you do. I don't want you to feel alone, I don't want you to go unnoticed. You are a Rock Star.
To the Momma with three kids, a husband in the military, and family long distance away: You rock, you inspire! Your husband is a hero to our country but YOU are a hero to Mommies everywhere! Whatever you are doing to make it through, it is working!
To the Momma who is having another baby knowing that their daddy isn't as involved as they'd like: You're strong! You're beautiful! You, and only you, are growing another life that may be the president, someday. You are brave girl! Keep rocking!
To the single woman trying to be a wife and Momma: It will happen. It will fall upon you one way or another. Your dreams will come true. Then, you too, will wonder "What the hell just happened?" ;)
To the Daddies: You are doing something that is kind of against the grain. You are raising babies, you are good at it too! In a world where you are expected to build houses from scraps and fix a car engine from memory **Home Improvement Grunts**, you are a great "Momma" too. In fact, you save Mommas from themselves. You have the patients and the strenghth to deal with a screaming child without your boobies hurting. You rock!
To Mommas (& Daddies) of Mommas (& Daddies): Do you know that you truly are the strongest persons alive? Do you know that we would be sh** upstream without you? You are the wonderful people that taught us everything we know. You patted our butts to sleep, you kept our butts in school, you swatted our butts to teach lessons, you clothed our butts, you've saved our butts, mostly, you whipped our butts into shape. A good enough shape that we have, somehow, survived parenthood ourselves (so far). Please know, we know we are lucky. We just like to complain at times. Ok, maybe it is just me.
When Lily is grown, I'll get to watch her be a Momma and when she has doubts I will validate her. I will tell her that I, too, felt down at times. I will make sure that she knows... she matters.
Keep on rockin',
More from parenting