Motherhood - "Mummy Has A Hairy Bottom"

7 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.
Motherhood – A Shock To The System!




Nothing in the world can prepare you for Motherhood.  No matter what you read or get told. There are not enough adjectives, verbs or nouns to describe Motherhood. I remember very clearly when one of my best friends’ had her first baby. Her opening the front door, looking absolutely petrified, tired, with tears streaming down her face and her top was covered in lots of yucky stuff and she smelt of poo and sick.

Move forward to the next year, when my girlfriend came to visit me after my daughter was born and there I stood at the door looking absolutely petrified, tired, with tears streamimg down my face, my top covered in yucky stuff, now I knew it was breast milk and I smelt of poo and sick.


But we get through it, some of us adapt and cope better with a new born and me well I only took me about a year to find my stride.Well a sort of stride I was getting dressed and able to leave the house. You do what you can and cope the best way you can. We are all different therefore we all have are own way of dealing with things, although I do get flashbacks of how much I cried, either tears of happiness, frustration, sadness, whatever they were for I remember cryingand lots of it, sometimes I cried more than my baby. I did love my baby with all my heart, just had emotions running through my body I had never felt in my life before.

As a new mother, I just remember being so tired that I felt I had constant jet lag and I lived in my pyjamas for a couple of weeks months, breast-feeding on demand and trying to read my newborn daughters cries. Well I had a book that told me it was easy to read your babies cries, I never got the hang of it and just did what I could. It did get easier, once I got over the shock, that it wasn’t all  a bed of roses- more like a bed with baby in it. I still had the jet lag with my new-born son, but was a lot more laid back and didn’t panic or stress as much each time he cried and I stopped worrying what others thought or what I should be doing, or what I should be wearing or what size I should be.

Motherhood -You Are Doing OK!


Now as my kids are bigger they never cease to amaze me with their vitality for life and are always on the go, looking for the next thing they can do. Mr 6s’ view of the world is simple, have fun. Miss 15s’ view of the world is – I have a party next week and the week after can you drop here, can you drop me there.

If I could bottle up the happiness and energy my 6-year-old son has and distribute it as a pick me up tonic I’d make a fortune. You can read a million books, search the internet and ask other mothers “What is motherhood about?” and you’ll get many responses from sheer distress, to happiness and mostly a mix of both.

As a mother I feel a great bond with other mothers – its like a secret code that we all know we have, yet we don’t talk about it that much. As mothers we know that our role at times is hard, and it feels overwhelming as you try to juggle so many things in your day. It’s okay to feel like this, but it’s also important to sometimes take stock. Stop and focus on yourself and do something for you, even if it is just fifteen minutes reading a gossip magazine or having a quick nap, whilst the children are at school or of an age where they are safe to sit and watch a movie on their own. You are still YOU, even though you are a mother, who you are and feel is of utmost importance.


Motherhood -No Manual


As a mother you practically use every skill under the sun everyday to keep the family functioning to some capacity, some days can go relatively smoothly,note the word relatively. The next day you’re dealing with head lice, your daughter’s upset with the break up of her first boyfriend, or trying to bake cupcakes last-minute for the school fair, Thank God for those packet mixes.

Having worked with children you would think my house would be pretty child safe, obviously it’s not. I  have been to A&E with my kids, one managed to shove a ball of tissue so high up their nose it had to be removed by a doctor, the other found a tic tac and pushed that up their nose, again requiring removal by a doctor. Looks great on me especially when asked by the doctor what I do and I say I work with children.

My kids use to strip off at the gym creche and run around naked, with the creche staff calling for me over the loud speaker to come quick my child was naked again. I know children role model what their parents do but no, we don’t run naked around the house – well not usually.

I think they should have Mother’s Day at least once a week, not yearly, then we could try to recharge. Getting up at 10.30am with breakfast in bed, then mull around the house having your needs attended to and getting some good one-on-one time with your children, playing silly games or watching a movie. But I know that is an impossibility, how would the world cope if we got an extra couple of hours in bed.

As a mother you can plan your day, but I find that it can all change at the drop of a hat. And guess what? We adapt and carry on, moving on and managing like we do. Telling the voice in our head to “Shut Up” this is all we’ve got for now. All we’ve got is good, its not a bad thing.

Mothers could run the country even if they’ve been up all week with a vomiting child. Motherhood has no job description because you would run out of trees for paper trying to write it down, and it may put off the next generation from being a mum, especially the part about birth! Yes, I know some women have amazing birth stories and very little pain. I haven’t met one yet, I’ve just read about them.

Motherhood encompasses every noun in the dictionary like love, elation, tiredness, joy, stress and happiness and although we can feel defeated at times we never are, we dust ourselves off and onwards and upwards we go. If you ever feel its all too muchplease speak up and don’t bottle it in, motherhood is testing and as mothers we understand and there are mothers who talk and write about it with raw emotion, which may help you through.

As mothers we should not judge but offer support to the mums that are struggling, if you are feeling just OK that’s normal, that’s life, as long as you do smile and laugh a little everyday.

Motherhood  ”Wow Mummy Your Vagina Must Be Massive!”


Motherhood – the busiest and most important job in the world and you are doing it. You  are doing stuff and saying things you’d never thought you’d ever do or say.  Your children say the most incredible and honest things  at the top of their voices and always at the most embarrassing time for you. As you can see my kids are no exception to this rule, so I’ll leave you with some poignant Motherhood moments in my life.

  • Had to take Mr 3 with me to a waxing appointment, at the grocery checkout he announced to all “Mummy has a hairy bottom, the lady took a long time to ripped it all off”
  • Miss 4 in a restaurant ” Mummy did I come out of your tummy?” “No darling ,mummy has already explained you came out from below”  I was trying to be discreet the restaurant was packed. Miss 4 ” Oh your vagina, Wow mummy your vagina must be massive” At the top of her darling voice. The whole restaurant heard and laughed uncontrollably.
  • Always at the shop Mr 6 ” Ah my head is so itchy I must have a million nits, can you check mum?”
  • Miss 2 back in the UK to the milkman, post man, any man really that came to the front door “Are you my daddy?” WTF


I’d love to hear yours, so leave a comment please. Together we can laugh and make another mother smile.

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