I look at my daughter and how sweet and innocent she is and I can't help but feel a little guilty. Sometimes I feel guilty that I brought her into this world. This world can be cruel and ruthless and it has dawned upon me that I will not be able to protect her from everything no matter how hard I try. And I feel guilty about that. Is it normal for a parent to feel this way? I mean who wants their child to experience the hurt and pain they have experienced? Was I being selfish for bringing her into this world?
What is ironic is that when I became an adult, I did not want my mother to know about certain things in my adult life because I did not want her to worry. I did not want her to hurt because I was hurting. I want to protect my mom. So, most of the trials and tribulations I have experienced in my adult life I have kept from her. Secrets that I hope she will never hear. As I sit here thinking about it, I wonder if my daughter will do the same.
But, then I think about all of the awesome things this world has to offer. I think about all of the wonderful and loving people in my daughter's life and all of the amazing opportunities she will have and I realize that her life will be full. Yes, she will undoubtedly face hardship and even pain, but that will be overshadowed by all the amazing things this life has to offer. I pray that I will be able to guide her and provide her with all of the tools she will need to become a wonderful person and be able to navigate any challenges she may face. And I pray that no matter how painful, hurtful or bizarre, she will feel comfortable enough to share anything with me.
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