Mommy's Daily Scorecard: 5 Key Performance Indicators I Suck At

3 years ago

If you've spent any time in corporate America, you may have heard the buzz word Key Performance Indicator or KPI, which is a fancy way for statistical types to measure the overall success of an organization. Fun stuff right? Today I am identifying KPIs that are most important in evaluating my performance as Mommy. I believe this will give me better insight into the performance initiatives that will help me improve. (Insert sarcasm here.)


KPIs are often presented to management in the form of a balanced scorecard, a structured report that managers can use to bore themselves into an under-the-desk nap a la George Costanza, or evaluate how the organization is performing with regard to strategic objectives. It is important that this report have many shapes, graphs, and colors. Repeated use of donut charts to view organizational metrics is totes responsible for the growth of most billion dollar companies. Totes. Just ask Amazon.com.

Lets look at a few of my Key Performance Indicators, the boards recommendations, and my responses.


NEXT: {MONEY TALKS} -->

FINANCIALS


Recommendations: Focus on increasing blog monetization as it has the most potential for future income.

Mommy Commentary: Have you read my blog? Apparently not.


Recommendations: Just because you get the 30% off Kohl's coupon AND Kohl's cash doesn't mean you HAVE to use them.

Mommy Commentary: Ummm...yes it does. Have you even done the math? It is like they are paying me to take stuff.


NEXT: {ARE THEY HAPPY?} -->

CUSTOMER SATISFACTION

Customer Satisfaction Facial Index



Recommendations: Implement procedures to work toward customer facial index that reflects satisfied, content customers.

Mommy Commentary: So... more bribes and threats?


NEXT: {HOW EFFICIENT ARE YOU?} -->

EFFICIENCY


Recommendations: Coffee warm ups are wasting time. Eliminate coffee.

Mommy Commentary: So what I hear you saying is 'Mimosas'?


NEXT: {HOW ARE YOU IMPACTING THE ENVIRONMENT?} -->

ENVIRONMENTAL PERFORMANCE


Recommendations: The optimum diaper change time is within five minutes of a poop or 20 minutes for a pee. Please work to meet these standards.

Mommy Commentary: So I guess when I see the toddler's poop grimace during Sprout's Sunny Side Up show, I should try to change him sometime BEFORE Caillou's lunchtime marathon? I'll try to step it up.

What are your mommy KPIs?

 

Cheers,
Susan Maccarelli
Blogger: Pecked To Death By Chickens

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