Mom Fear: Can I Raise Girls? I was never much of one myself!

4 years ago

As you know, we just welcomed our third child, Baby L., a little girl, into our family on November 1st, 2013.  She is the second girl to grace our family and a month shy of two years younger than her sister, Little A. (the middle child).

Little A. and her new baby sister Baby L.

To find out Baby L.'s gender we hosted a pool party full of our closest family and friends and cut the cake to reveal the gender to ourselves and everyone else.  As I cut that cake, I hoped and prayed it would be blue.  Not because I would love a little girl any less than a little boy, but because I was already unsure if I could teach our current little girl, Little A., everything about being a girl and growing into a woman. But, there it was staring me in the face. Bright Pink Frosting! Here I was standing in front of a yard full of family and friends and swallowing back more fears (and tears) of another little girl that I would need to teach how to be a woman.

Why such fear? Well, it's pretty simple...Growing up I was a complete tomboy. I mean you could seriously find my picture in the dictionary next to the term! I was never interested in playing dress up or wearing makeup. I literally screamed everytime my mom tried to put on a dress on me from the time I was born.

Me at 1 year old. Circa 1984.

I climbed trees, played any sport I could and loved to run around outside without shoes. I didn't care what anyone thought of me. Yes, I dated boys in high school and college and had my heartbroken a few times. I wore dresses and had my hair done all fancy for Homecoming and Prom, but honestly I would have been just as happy wearing jeans and a hooded sweatshirt with my hair in it's standard ponytail and my favorite sneakers. In fact I wore my hair up in the ponytail so often and long that there is a nice little divot in my skull where it always lay. As for wanting to be married or a mother, I swore neither would ever happen.  I wasn't interested in playing mommy or wife, I just wanted to run all over being me!

And, at the age of 30, here I am. I have a husband I couldn't be more in love with and 3, yes 3 beautiful children 4 years old and under. I still despise make up and doing my hair and my getting ready routine could rival any guy I know.  As long as I'm showered and dressed, I'm good to go.  Every morning I walk out of the house with my hair still wet and my sneakers on.  I even found sneakers that are black and don't look like sneakers so I can wear them to work.  Oh and I work in a place that allows us to wear fleeces and jeans every day!

As the months passed before Baby L. was born, I continued to wonder "How in the world am I going to teach these little girls to be well....girls?! I mean, Little A. constantly runs around calling herself a princess and pretending to be a mommy and Baby L., is likely to be right there with her in a year.

I have spent hours, possibly days thinking this through.  Watching my children grow and I have learned this:
I may not be able to teach my girls how to braid hair, do their makeup or how to have a love for shoe shopping, but as their mother I have bigger things to teach them:
Love - I can teach them to do this unconditionally and with all of their heart.  Yes, it will get broken from time to time, but it will also get really full.
Family - Above all else, family is important.  Does this mean blood trumps all and family can treat you however they like? No. It does mean your family should love and support you in good times and bad and you the same for them.
Faith - I believe that this world runs on faith. Faith in the lord, faith in our family/friends and faith that we are on a path designed just for us.
Home - This is the place you come to when you need anything at all.  It's the warmest, safest place on earth and never should the door be slammed shut in your face.  Love is abundant here.
Fear - I am fearful of many things, and this is not something I'm proud of, but in life you should have some fear.  For with fear comes fore sight.  Am I saying I will teach my girls to fear the world around them? No! But, I will teach them that a little fear helps to see when a situation is wrong.
Identity - You are you and no one else should tell you who you are or have to be. Follow your heart and mind and you will find all that you need in life.
Fun - I will teach them to run barefoot outside and laugh when drop ice cream on their shirt. Laughter makes the heart grow fonder and fuller.
Strength - I will teach them to be strong. Strength in body, mind and soul!
Perseverance - If you ask anyone who knows me, if I want something I will work to the ends of the Earth to get it.  Does it always pay off? No. But, what happens is that I learn from my mistakes and try again until it does. I don't want my girls to ever give up on their dreams and to learn to persevere for all that they desire in life!
Happiness - Life is too short to spend your days worried, sad or angry.  Some days are harder than others.  But it's those gray days that help us appreciate the sunny days.  Find happiness within yourself and you will bring it out of those around you. Be the light in the room full of darkness!

So, while I may not be able to teach them how to apply eyeliner or curl their hair perfectly, I can teach them values and morals they can take with them for a lifetime and teach their children.  And for all the rest, that's what Pinterest is for or why I surround them with grandmothers, aunts, cousins, godmothers, and many other beautiful women who can help them find the perfect shade of eye shadow, take them for a manicure, or shoe shopping and also love them every day of their lives. As they say...It takes a village and I know I have a good one for my girls!

Have a Mom Fear?  Share below and hopefully we can help each other out!
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