Mean girls suck

5 years ago

Ah, to be a fourteen year old girl again.  I would't trade my anything to go back there.


Except maybe to switch places with my girl so she didn't have to go through it.  It is so fucking painful to watch them go through the hard stuff.  Like I was speaking of on my birthday that no one tells you that, just as much as you love your kids, you hurt for them.  And there is no amount of Al-anon that can help you when it is your child who is being mistreated at school.  It is so fucking painful.


This week I did something I never thought I would do.  I pulled my daughter out of high school and told her she would never have to go back.  I have never felt more relieved about anything in my life.   But I just knew that I had to do something.


My beautiful daughter used to have many friends.  These friends were the girls in school who pretty much ran the show.  They talk about each other behind each others back, diversity is a BAD thing, and you better not be caught dead wearing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, or being yourself.  Personally, I am glad that shit is over.


My daughter is outgoing, beautiful, super funny, and got in with the crowd.  Despite her loud mouthed, recovering drug addicted (and maybe a little crazy) mom and PTSD veteran father, she made friends.   It is amazing how some fourteen year old girls lack compassion and empathy. In fact, they will take anything that is different about you, and turn it against you.


Her dyslexia has gotten her very behind in school, and she is in special education.  But I can assure you that she is the wittiest, smartest cookie on the block. And despite those things, she rose above socially.  She just doesn't read or compute numbers the way that the schools are set up to teach her. So she has struggled.  I have tried everything to get her comfortable there at school, and it hasn't worked.  So we are going with different plan.


Even with this struggle, her behaviors (although not always perfect) have been fine.


There are a few situations where her behavior wasnt perfect. She started a food fight in seventh grade and was suspended.  I was pretty pissed about that.  Only because it was the last weeks of school and I was more worried about my free days being numbered, and she was stepping in on my freedom.


In sixth grade, a little boy said something so nasty and sexually harassing to her, he ended up on the floor as she kicked him.  She was also suspended.  I took her out for ice cream.  Don't talk like that to women, little dude.


The biggest heartbreak has been her best friend, all through out grade and mostly middle school, has decided that my daughter gets on her nerves.  That she is too hyper.  That my daughter is too annoying.  So one day, out of nowhere, last spring, she told my daughter that they were not friends anymore, and that was that.  My poor baby was so hurt by this, because it was out of the blue. And as much as she tried to fix it, the more she pushed her away.


She is a loyal friend, like me.  She holds on to friendships like I do.  She was crushed.  The girl hasn't tried to talk to my girl since.  In fact, she has told everyone that my daughter is a stalker and obsessed with her.  One by one, the other girls followed.  It was like losing a family member. And then everyone.


The more she tried to figure out what happened, the more they pulled away.


These girls tweet about her eczema on her skin, they tweet about her learning disabilities.  And when they found out she was leaving school for good, they tweeted this.



Mean girl, you have been misinformed.


They have parties and don't invite her.  She was dumped three days before homecoming (AFTER we bought the dress and everything.) because the boy had to go duck hunting, and forgot.  It has been really painful to watch.


My girl has always stuck up for the underdog.  There was a time this year when another girl was being bullied, my daughter ate her lunch in the bathroom with her, so she wouldn't have to be alone.  She was going to switch schools with another girl because the other girl wasn't doing well at that school.  Um...I think I see codependency living here!!


Now both of those girls are the meanest to my daughter.  It is crazy, like out of a movie, and we are so done.  My girl may be a little codependent, like her mom.  But there are plenty of good people in the world who will be good friends.  These aren't her people.  So we are OUT!


I know some of you (mostly those related to me) that will be worried that I can't do this.  Remember, I am sober now.  And I can do this.  We found a hybrid internet/homeschool/campus school for her to attend.  My niece graduated from there last year.  I will get her enrolled next week.


But for the mean time, the two of us are GOING TO CALIFORNIA to do that Ricki Lake show.  It is perfect timing for her and the rest of the girls in this small town place can suck it.  We are OUT!!!


Betsey DeGree

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