A Letter to My Son

4 years ago

There are days when I certainly don't qualify for the Mother-of-the-Year award. Times when there isn't enough coffee in the world to make me want to play Hot Wheels for the ninetieth consecutive hour. There are moments when all I want is to take a nap, or at the very least, think like an adult for more than half a second.

There are definitely times when I can picture a faint glimmer of what my life would be like without a raging toddler, and others when I wish I could dress up without the risk of peanut-buttery fingerprints, adorning my new sweater. There are a lot of days when I'm ready to throw in the towel---ready to give up because one more dirty diaper would be my undoing.

And then...

There are days when my only goal is to make you laugh. Times when nothing else matters but the sheer enjoyment of rolling around on the floor with you. Times when I don't care how messy the house is or how high the dirty dishes are piled. Moments when, snuggled up to you, there isn't a damn thing in this world that could take away the pleasure I get from holding you in my arms.

There are the simple joys of inhaling the sweet scent of your skin and gently brushing the soft hair from your expressive blue eyes. Joys like knowing only my kisses can make an owie go away, or that no matter how lost we get in a crowd, you will always have eyes for me alone.

Being a mother isn't easy. I have times when I truly don't know what to do, and the only thing that makes sense is curling up in a ball to cry. There are days when I do my best and it just isn't enough, and others when I do too much. As new as you are to this world, so inexperienced am I.

There are so many goals I have for you. Plans for your life that I wish I could make happen. Things I never did that I would give my arms for you to have. I know I will make mistakes along the way. I know there will be as many bad days as good. I may not always make the right choice or say the perfect thing, but know that, as your mother, I have been given the greatest gift Life has to offer. You.

Though I may not teach you all of the things you need to know or do everything the way I should, know that I am trying, and my only goal is to get us through this in one piece---with as much laughter as I can. As you grow and learn, so do I.

It's a long, winding path we're on together. There will be many bumps along the way---times when we veer off-course or get completely lost in the woods. It'll never be easy, sweet boy, but I wouldn't change who I get to do it with for all of the me-time in the world!


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