Letter of the Day: I'm worried about my son...

9 years ago
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Here's a letter from Beverly in Staten Island, New York. She writes:
Dear New Mom Revolution,
have a two-year-old little boy. He's very healthy and he's developing
right on schedule. But lately I've noticed some odd behavior.... How
can I tell if my son is a..... douchebag?

Well, Beverly,
this is a pretty serious topic. It concerns me that at only two years
old your son is already displaying douchebag behavior.
Lets look at the basics:
1. Is your son wearing a trucker hat? Yes, I know it's 2009, but this is usually the most obvious detector.
Are you a Real Housewife of Orange County or Atlanta (I don't know
about the New York show. Never watched it)? This would be a surefire
sign that your son is a douchebag, if not King Douchebag. It's
impossible to be on one of these shows and your son or husband to be a
normal, nice guy.... except for Vicki's poor, brutalized husband. Run,
Don, run...
3. Is your son wearing head-to-toe Ed Hardy apparell?
Let me specify... Just because your son is wearing an Ed Hardy outfit
does NOT make him a douchebag. But he's definitely wearing the
douchebag uniform! Zing! (kinda stole that joke from Dave Chappelle....
I doubt he's reading this blog, so it's cool.)
4. Is your son STILL
quoting lines from the Dave Chappelle Show? If he is, CONGRATULATIONS!
You're a failure as a mother! Seriously, he's two years old! The
Chappelle Show wasn't even around two years ago. Sure, it was funny,
but damn, even Dave Chappelle couldn't take that crap after a while. He
either learned it from your or his father. Shame shame.....
5. Is
your husband or boyfriend a douchebag? Douchebaggery is usually passed
down from the paternal side. Seeing that you're from Staten Island, New
York, you may want to look into that. I grew up on the East Coast, so I
known my fair share of douchebags and even dated a couple. If you find
out that yourpartner does also share some of the douchebag qualities
listed above, listen, don't be too hard on yourself. It's not your
fault. Nowadays it's really hard to tell.... But seriously, when you
get together with a guy with a fake tan, you know what you're in for..
Hope this helps!
All the best!!!