Lack of Confidence

4 years ago

I really do have this character flaw of needing other people to like me or accept me. It really is a nuisance. Do you have any idea what it's like to go through life daily and constantly wonder what people are thinking about you? Not so much the way that I look, although I have always been self conscience about my looks. Scars on my face, crooked teeth, and now gray hair doesn't always help me lean toward self confidence in the looks department.

But in most areas of my life, I struggle with this character flaw.

When it comes to my running, although I am training for my first marathon (second time training), I still, at times, have a hard time considering myself a 'real' runner. Seriously? I just ran/walked 14 miles on the treadmill last week. I've run two 20 milers this past year. I'm getting up before dawn to get in training runs. Runs that I might add aren't lazy do nothing runs, but real kick your rear into gear runs. But when I'm around more accomplished runners, I feel my inward self shrinking. And I have a hard time acknowledging that I'm a 'real' runner. I feel like such a newbie.

This character flaw also spills over into my parenting. Trust me, I know I'm a real parent. But I can't help but wonder sometimes if I'm liked by other mothers. Do I talk too much? Do I talk too little? Are they judging me? Should I be doing more to help my son with his speech delay?

Most people really don't know how hard I try in every area of my life. And most days I do give it my all. So I really wish I could get over this character flaw of needing and wanting others' approval for my actions. I shrink at the thought of disapproval.

And it makes it me mad. It makes me mad that I care so much. It makes me mad that I let it bother me the way that it does. Because in the end, it's my life. It's me who is accountable for my actions - no one else.

I think the first step to overcoming this character flaw is to truly accept myself. I am so very hard on myself.

I have my moments. I have my days. I have my setbacks. I am a work in progress.

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