I've Looked Everywhere And I Still Can't Find Our Sex Life!

5 years ago

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I have been married for a little over a year. My hubby and I have been together on and off for the past 8 years. They were difficult, but we finally got our act together and took the plunge.

I work a full time job plus 2 part time jobs and still find time to raise an active child and cook and clean like a good little wife. My problem is, my husband and I rarely have sex anymore.

We used to have a very active and satisfying sex life. I understand things change when you get married but is this normal? I believe sex is important in keeping a marriage alive, so I’m getting very frustrated about my husband's lack of desire. We have discussed it and he tells me that he is just tired or doesn’t have the time. But he certainly finds the time for his hobbies, like golf!

He is a loving man in other ways and I know he isn’t cheating on me. But I no longer know what to do. I don’t even ask him about it anymore for fear of rejection. What should I do?


No Longer A Nympho And Not Happy About It


Dear No Longer A Nympho,

Let me wrap my head around this. Once married, we must continue to have sex with our spouse? Sheesh, how am I ever going to find time for my reality TV shows? If I don’t keep up with the Kardashians who will?

I need to sit down. Can someone get me my smelling salts?

Ok, I’m back. It’s amazing what a glass, or three, of wine can do.

Is it possible that you are doing so much around the house – cooking, cleaning, raising the kids – that your husband is now taking you for granted? This can lead him to view as less of a partner and more of a parent which can interfere with any sexual desire. Perhaps, you should let him take the lead on a few things for a while. This will allow him to see all that you do as well as give him some much-needed perspective on the amazing woman he married.

Another thing to take into consideration (if you haven’t already) is that as men age their libido does diminish. The underlying cause for this can be a number of different factors, from low testosterone to an endocrine disorder to stress and depression. Even if it isn’t any of these things your husband should get a check up at the doctor just to be safe.

Finally, even the most in-love couple can get a little bored in the bedroom. Luckily, there are many different things you can try. Introducing sex toys into an intimate relationship can be a fun way to learn more about each other. You may even be able to ask your OB/GYN for some advice on this. Another popular addition is role-playing (Kris and Bruce Jenner are favorite characters...or...err....so I've heard anyway...). If all else fails you can dress up as a golf club and see if that gets him to run his hands up and down your body.

Good Luck!

Tonya, TMH


Detail close up of couple in bed photo via Shutterstock.

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