It Was Only A Dream, But I Carry It Still

4 years ago

Prompt: If you had to get locked in someplace overnight alone, where would you choose to be locked in?

Oh, the things that spring to mind with this topic!

Ryan Reynolds' shower stall? The best, biggest suite on a cruise ship? The candy department at Harrod's?

The list I could draw up boggles the mind. Each would be fun or interesting or em-fattening (yes, that's a word because I said it is) in it's own right. I think, though, I'd like to return to someplace I've already been.

My son's mind.

It happened about a year ago, in a very unexpected way. I was dreaming. And in my dream, I was walking through David's day with him, but I was seeing it as he sees it. And it was amazing! My senses were on overload through it all - every light was so much brighter, every sound so much richer (or sharper, or discordant), colors were vivid in the extreme, smells assaulted me and the slightest movements caught my eye and brought me endless fascination.

I remember sitting on the mat with him during class, fixated on the way the light patterned on the window from the blowing leaves of a tree outside the door. I could see it in prisms, the ebb and flow of the scattered patterns as the wind lifted the branches, and then I listened for the wind and heard the hum of the heater panel nearby and I swear I could feel its vibration in the floor. I put my hand down to feel it just as David did, and the teacher told us both to pay attention.

I spent hours with him, seeing as he saw, trying to understand people who talked too fast and sometimes the words weren't in the right order or it was like they were using more words, extra words. And none of what they said was nearly as interesting as the whole bright, loud, vibrating world around them that they seemed to tune out. They would speak and I'd hear words repeat repeat repeat in my head even after they were done, like long, drawn-out echoes of what I should have heard but didn't at first.

I woke in the dark, feeling my heart pound and hearing the sound of my cat shifting at the foot of the bed. It took me a few moments to get  my bearings and realize I had been dreaming. I went into David's room, crawled into bed beside him, wrapped him in my arms and wished I could go back into his world again, just for a little while. It was amazing.

And I still want to go back someday.

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