I will not deny that starting over has its challenges. I can post pretty pictures of fun times because in reality SB, the kids and I do have fun, but only we can make it that way. The truth is there is a lot of emotional energy and stress involved at times. There are two families, two sets of rules, two backgrounds, and two sets of fundamentals. Obviously after SB and I met we eventually talked about the kids and each other's fundamentals. Most of these fundamentals we agreed upon, but we still needed to figure out how to put them together. Well it appears that we are figuring that out every day, one hurdle after another.
"It can't always be bunnies and flowers" as a dear cousin of mine always says. I don’t see why not, my daughter always has her head in the clouds and it seems so much nicer there. Some days I wish I could just be 8 again. Or not. How do you deal with the not so fun moments with the kids when they are not yours?
The foundation when blending two families definitely comes from the parents. We have to take the lead. It's not up to the kids to make it right. We are supposed to be mature enough to handle it, and our emotions. In reality sometimes this isn't always easy. Even though SB and I have strong personalities it can be difficult at times to remember "the rules” we have agreed on. In order to do this we have to be on the same page. We have to talk openly about our differences. We have them. We are not always on the same page but wanting to be is a start in the right direction. It's not all bunnies and flowers. He has his way, and I have mine. All I know is that I am perfect in every way, with side of emotions, a dash of feisty and a sprinkle of controlling. I am well seasoned! Just go with it for now! My point is, when you find yourself not on the same page understand that it's impossible to plan for every situation that may arise but respecting each other in order to maintain a "united front" is what it takes. No matter what your personalities are, respecting each other is important and in turn will help maintain respect from the kids. You are setting the example. If you don’t establish a united front, your children will notice. If you are not respectful of each other, your children will notice. Those little buggers will understand how you operate if you operate dysfunctional. How can you hold them accountable for their actions together when issues arise and you can’t even respect each other? I don’t know about you but issues with at least one kid arise daily when we are all together. SB and I can’t afford to be sideways. Has it happened? Yes it has. We do talk about it and things do go a little smoother next time. We are all learning here.
I know I mentioned in a previous post that each parent needs to parent their own child. I talked about resentment. I didn't really get in to the nitty-gritty of resentment, but I mentioned a fine line. If you disagree with each other during an issue, you’ll have to wait to talk about it afterwards. Remember, the birth parent has the final say. After all, it is their child. I could go in to many, many different examples. I will never be able to cover them all.
The premise to remember is, respect for each other and of course love. Don’t forget about the love! After all, you can’t go through all the chaos without love! I didn't mean to say chaos. It's all bunnies and flowers. I meant love the chaos, or was it love each other, love one another, don't forget you love each other! We can cover loving chaos another day. For now, I love ya!
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