I'm So Glad I'm Not You

5 years ago

"I'm so glad I'm not you." Is there a time when this phrase would be appropriate to say to someone?

A homeless person on the street? A person in a wheelchair? A friend? A person going through infertility? Someone suffering a loss? A Mom With Multiples? ... how about not all all ...

Today I was stopped by a woman, who asked the phrase that I could not possibly have heard before {sarcasm}, "Are those twins?" Chuckling to myself I said, "Yes they are," and smiled proudly at the two toddlers smiling back at me.

The lady laughed and said, "I'm so glad I'm not you." In an instant my smile dropped and my eyes bugged out. She continued, "I'm so glad I didn't have twins," and looked lovingly at her own 3 children beside her {who must have been 18 months, 3 and 5}.

My mouth dropped in shock as she actually looked at my twins in disgust! She meant it!

Hold on, kids: it's starting to rain, and we gotta run for home!

Beside the point, but possibly worth a mention: my twin toddlers {at this point in time} were quiet, well behaved and happy. She, on the other hand, had one crying baby and an older child who was going through her purse and tossing items out onto the ground. Was this stranger beside me, really judging my own children and thinking hers were perfect? Having no previous knowledge of me nor my children, I was shocked that someone could say a phrase like this, for the only reason that I had 2 children, who are exactly the same age.

I'm not going to say that having multiples is easy, or hard for that matter. That's not the point. Simply put, they are my children. And whether they were born together or 20 years apart, I love them all the same. I would only assume that each parent would feel the same way.

I would never EVER say this phrase to someone, in any circumstance. Sure, there are preferred and ideal lives which we hope to live, such as winning the lottery or never facing death or sickness. Yet to look down on someone's life because of the age of their children?

There are hard days, hilarious days and fabulous days when raising multiples, just like any other person who is parenting children. Despite those hard days, I see my children as nothing less than a blessing. A double blessing!

After trying to recover from shock, I fought everything in me to not reply, "And I'm so glad that I didn't have your children"... just to point out the insult. Yet, I forced that fake smile and looked away, literally biting my tongue until it hurt. I tried to keep in mind that maybe she wasn't just that rude, and might have been having a terrible day. I hope it was the latter, but is that really a reason to speak before thinking?

"I'm so glad I'm not you" is not a phrase I would say to anyone whether I knew them or not. In this case I chose to shut my mouth and not respond to the comment, yet I might just put kindness aside next time and not hold back. Assuming my life is hell just because I have multiples {?!}, well, Hell hath no fury like a pissed off Mom of multiples.

 

Photo Credit: yourdon.

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