The new best-selling story, If You Give A Kid A Hot Dog…
If you spend the night at Grandma’s where you sleep in the same room as your kids, the kids will go to bed later and get up earlier.
If the kids go to bed later and get up earlier, they will be cranky come mid-afternoon.
If the kids are cranky in the afternoon, Grandma will give them ice cream to make them feel better.
If the kids are high on sugar and low on sleep, they will be SUPER-cranky at bedtime.
If the kids are super cranky, they will not eat their dinner.
If the kids do not eat their dinner, Grandma will leave it on the table and try to entice them to eat it all night.
If Grandma is enticing the kids to eat, you may some something like, “Come on, buddy. Let’s go eat. There’s a hot dog on the table with your name on it.”
If you tell a 3-year-old who can read that there is a hot dog waiting with his name on it, there better damn well be the letters of his name written in ketchup across that hot dog.
If the overtired, over-sugared 3-year-old does not in fact see the letters he was expecting, there will be a meltdown. He will circle the kitchen table demanding, “Where is my name on the hot dog? Where, Grammy? WHERE?”
If there is a meltdown, Grandma will offer the 3-year-old anything under the sun to get him to stop. Like offering a peanut butter and jelly sandwich after you have told your son that if he does not eat his hot dog, he’s not getting anything else.
If Grandma offers pb & j under duress, chances are she will not have any bread.
If there is no bread, Grandma will make a pb & j on a hamburger roll.
If you give a 3-year-old a pb & j made on a hamburger roll, he will think it is the coolest thing ever and will happily eat the entire thing.
If he eats the entire thing, he will expect dessert.
If a 3-year-old expects dessert, Grandma will give him some.
And chances are, if your kid is amped up on ice cream at 7 o’clock at night, he will go to bed later and undoubtedly get up earlier.
And don’t forget, all four of you are in the same room.
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