How to Handle Neighbors Who Worm Their Way into Your Pool

3 years ago

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

Help! I think some neighbors are just being friendly to me so I'll invite them over to use my swimming pool. They're never nice to me in the winter. How should I handle this? It's making me crazy.


Paula with the Pool




Credit Image: Julien Haler on Flickr


Dear Paula with the Pool,

Stop inviting them over to use your swimming pool.


Kelcey, The Mouthy Housewives

Wait, you want something more elaborate? Clearly, if your neighbors are jerks to you in the winter and then take one look at your sparkling, refreshing oasis of chlorine when a hot blanket of humidity descends on the neighborhood and suddenly are sweet as honey, they are using you. If they try to rent a cabana, then you know for sure their intentions are nefarious. Tell them and their rolling cooler to take a hike.

In your neighbor's sweaty defense, oppressive heat can alter one's judgement. I can attest to this, because I recently moved to Florida. The temperatures were so unbearable in August that I told my children snow cones were an acceptable option for dinner, so we all ate snow cones, followed by ice cream.

So maybe, deep down inside their psyche, your neighbors know the right thing to do is drive on down to the local YMCA pool and swim with hundreds of children, most of whom are potty trained. But in their fragile, overheated state, they decide to just bake you an apple pie so they can worm their way into your pool instead. Don't be fooled by their amateur tactics.

These neighbors are obviously not people you should consider friends. And you have all the power here; the choice is up to you. You can either deny them entrance to your pool (and invite some true friends over) or figure out what your neighbors can give you in return. I mean, more than an apple pie. Like how about a few bottles of wine? Or rather a case. And some fresh flowers would be nice. And maybe they could do camp pick-ups this week. And a gift certificate for the day spa. That should do it. Or else? Hello, YMCA.

Good luck,

Kelcey, The Mouthy Housewives

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