I’m not REALLY looking to sell my toddler…

3 years ago

Contrary to popular belief, I am not in fact, looking to sell my toddler. Or give him away for free. I will be keeping him. Thank you very much.

Oh wait, have I confused you? Sorry, let’s go back.

A few nights ago Baboo was in full “I’m going to ensure I’m an old child” mode. He wasn’t sick. He’s not teething. Really, he was fine, but for some reason decided that he was going to wake up every 15 minutes and scream bloody murder. All. Night. Long. This started at about midnight on Monday morning and went until 4 am. I have to wake up at 5:30 to go to work, so I was not a happy mommy. Starbucks of course was thrilled because for every hour of sleep I lose, I add an extra shot of espresso to my latte and they charge like $1 per shot so it really adds up. But I digress…

At 3:07 am, my brain full of fog, my ears bleeding from the screaming, I posted this to my personal Facebook account:

Any insomniacs interested in a gently used 14 month old? He hates bottles and enjoys screaming all night. Free to a good home. I’ll throw in some under eye cream to sweeten the deal. Must take delivery of him ASAP. Sanity not included.

All of my mommy friends thought it was funny. I was pretty impressed at how witty and coherent I managed to sound given the circumstances. Fast forward a few hours and the next thing I know I’m being yelled at about it. Khoza said it was rude and uncalled for. Wait, whaaaaat?

But you want to know the worst part? A few hours later, my 70 year old Grandma called to yell at me about it as well! Apparently my younger brother had shown her the post. She wanted me to know that she would gladly drive down and take him off my hands and did not appreciate not one bit how I had spoken about her beloved great-grandson.

And these are just two of the people I managed to offend. I’m sure there are others who just haven’t admitted it to me (yet).

What I have learned in my 14 months as a mommy is that it’s hard. Really hard. And exhausting too. But I knew this (kinda) going in to it and never for one minute have I regretted becoming a mommy. But since when can we not joke about how difficult it is? If Baboo happened upon my post in 10 years or 15 years I’d like to think he, too, would know it was a joke. It’s not like I left him on the front steps of a church or something. I was losing my mind, delirious from the lack of sleep, but instead of flipping out or like shaking the kid or something, I wrote a sarcastic Facebook post. And you know what? I’d post it again.

So to clarify, once and for all: I am not really looking to sell or give away my toddler. However, if someone would like to adopt ME and send me to a private island or a spa or something for a few days, well let’s just say I’d be open to negotiations.

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