Don't you hate when you forget things like.....you're not earning any money. Me, too. As I sit here and type this I have to shake my head and ask myself, "What the f#@$k were you thinking?" Today, I flipped out and for five hours, completely forgot that I have no idea where my next dollar is coming from and yet paid a woman to come to my home and show me how important it is to walk with my knees bent.
I've always had a very good imagination and for most of my life my favorite thing in the world to do was to play "pretend". You know like, "let's pretend we're happily married" or "let's pretend the most important thing in my mother's life are her children" or my most recent favorite, "let's pretend I have a savings account". Now, when I'm actively engaged in any of these scenarios, it's like everything else ceases to exist.
Unfortunately, as I get older, I'm only able to bury my head in the sand so deep before I realize I can't breathe and have to come up for air which is, of course, when it is I find out that I live in a one income household and have no business putting this much of my energy and cash into what really is just A HOBBY.
On top of it all, I now walk like a Neanderthal and cannot think of anything but my knees. As I was practicing leaning forward (another part of my new walking technique) it dawned on me-who do I think I am "Flo-Jo"? I'm not getting paid to run and yet I've surrounded myself with this team of experts like I'm on some sort of time schedule, like either I get back to hitting the pavement soon or I'll be lucky to make it to the medal stand.
My God, in the time it has taken me to write about this whole running thing, I could have applied for a bunch of jobs for which I am totally unqualified and would never be hired to do because apparently blogging and knowing how to walk properly are not high on anybody's employee "wish list". Not even for interns. Yes, that is right. I put it out there that I was willing to work for free but it turns out that I'm not even qualified to do that. I am so not suited for today's marketplace that even my time is worthless. I was thinking of sending in a DVD of me picking up dry cleaning, using a fax machine and letting people blame me for things that I couldn't have possible done, just to show them that in fact I do have what it takes but I think I'm just going to play "let's pretend, I choose not to work" instead.
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