I cannot believe I let him go without ME!

5 years ago

Why this mom wants Baileys for breakfast


Yes, I wanted Baileys for breakfast.

No, I did not have Baileys for breakfast.

What pushed me to this want for alcohol in coffee so early in the day you ask?

Our son is on his first field trip without one of us being a chaperone.  Doesn’t this make every parent feel like drinking before the first bell rings?

I slept in this morning; ergo, he slept in this morning.  Hmmm do you think it was a subconscious effort to keep him home today?  Perhaps.

We rushed to get ready for his big day.

Lunch – check

Snack – check

Jacket – check

EpiPen x2, rescue inhaler, antihistamine fast melts – check, check, and check

Okay, I have a little confession.  If you haven’t guessed yet, I am an over-protective, always worrying, neurotic mother of a 14-year-old son with anaphylactic allergies and a congenital heart defect.  Second confession: he is not our oldest child.  I was not a crazed, over-protective mother with the older boys.

Before you freak out and call me a crazy please take a moment to read this condensed version of “Matthew’s story.”

                Born full term via emergency cesarean-section (that is another blog!) my little angel was blue.  Yes, BLUE!  He was diagnosed with Tetralogy of Fallot shortly after birth.  My baby turned blue during meals and baths.  Crying would make him the deepest blue and he would begin to convulse.  My heart ached as he was wheeled off to surgery six months after he was born; we were unsure if we would see him again in this lifetime.  The following days and weeks where a roller coaster of emotions (a cliché I know but oh so true.)  Nearly losing Matthew on numerous occasions led me to be ummm let’s just say extra cautious with him.

                During 5th grade (after a year of various rashes, dropped blood pressure events, and vomiting episodes all leading to emergency room or cardiology visits) Matthew was diagnosed with allergies.  Anaphylactic allergies.  Latex.  Peanuts.  Tree nuts.  Seeds. Shellfish.  Fruits.  And others.

His cardiologist and allergist both expressed their concern regarding this dangerous combination of medical conditions – Allergies and a heart condition.

                The epinephrine would save his life during an anaphylactic reaction; however, it would probably cause cardiac arrest.

                                That was enough for me to know that we would place a bubble around our home letting no one in without first putting them through a thorough shower similar to the ones utilized by Hazardous Material teams!  God Bless my husband for keeping me from going to that extreme!

While Matthew’s entire life has been a series of medical challenges, you would never know it looking at him today!  Praise God!

Okay.  Back to today.

                I sent him on a field trip without one of us today.  I know I am being dramatic but this is very difficult for me.  I try to balance our need to be nearby with his need to grow up and spread his wings.  We usually go on field trips as chaperones; however, we do not ride the school bus if at all possible.  We have found that driving ourselves allows Matthew that personal time while letting us be there if he needs us.

                They are eating.  At a buffet.  Peanut butter cookies.  Sesame chicken.  Peanut oil?  Would there be balloons?  Balloons in an enclosed area?  Cashew chicken?  Sesame seed buns?  My head swirled thinking about the things that he would encounter during the day.  Without ME!

                                Yes, I sent him with food.

                                Yes, he knows what to do in an emergency or if he feels uncomfortable in a situation.

Let me defend myself a little bit here.  Matthew wants me on his field trips, at his band events, and…well, just to hang out.  His friends all know me.  Perhaps they are just being polite?  No, ya think?

We were there and hung out with our older children and their friends.  We went on their field trips.

I know that I need to help Matthew forge his way more than our other children.  Sigh.  Again, God bless my husband!

I know Matthew needs his space more than our other children.  He needs to be empowered to care for himself.  He needs to know that we know he can care for himself (especially when he is being bullied by an adult regarding his allergies – yes, that does happen.)

He has a voice.  He knows how to use it and use it well.

Now back to drinking Baileys in my coffee until it is socially acceptable to drink my lunch and build a bubble around our home.

Would love to be your friend!  Follow me!
Mrs. H

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