I ain't a saint, trust me!

4 years ago

Dear Neighbor,

Thanks for making me laugh today! When you suggested that I must be a saint because I don’t yell at my 4 boys I almost crashed my hockey stick scratched up, rotten milk smelling, cheerio filled mini-van into my newly planted, and newly kicked and jumped on by said boys, mums. Trust me sweetheart, I might not yell anymore but I still ain’t a saint but oh, thanks for the chuckle! Here are just a FEW, emphasis on a few, of the parenting mistakes (or flaws depending on who you ask) that show I am not up for title of Saint.  P.S. I know I have worse and funnier offenders. But I have blocked them out of my mind for good reason.

My turn to try to make you laugh or smile,
The Orange Rhino


1)      I taught my kids the f-bomb at an early age. I still believe it is a powerful communicator and a great word BUT I shouldn’t have taught it to my almost 6 year old when he was 1. Because now he says “aw f***ing great” and “what the f**k?” And yes, he taught his brothers that word too.

2)      I let my kids go out in the winter without hats on and sometimes without jackets. This drives my mother-in-law absolutely nuts. Perhaps that is why I do it?

3)      Last Monday I forgot that I signed up for my son’s birthday party in school. 10 minutes before I was supposed to go in I remembered. 9 minutes before I raced to the supermarket and bought whatever they had. Mind you it was a Monday. And the bakery section had yet to be re-filled from the weekend.

4)      Sometimes I don’t realize my baby has a dirty diaper until my sons tell me. “Mommy don’t you know #4 has a dirty diaper? Aren’t you going to change it.” Sh*t, add that to the to-do list before getting out the door.

5)      For almost a solid year I served dinner out of the freezer. And no, I don’t mean frozen vegetables or frozen homemade meals. I mean frozen pre-made meals by manufacturers. GASP!

6)      I let my kids eat food off the floor. Yes, I apply the 5 second rule to restaurants too. Yes, I know I just eerked a bunch of you out.

7)      I ignored a teacher’s suggestion for two years that my son needed OT.Both he and I could have avoided a lot of painful moments if I hadn’t been so headstrong.

8)      One Halloween I made my boys then 1, 2ish and 4 wear what I picked despite their complaints. All because I wanted my then 1 year old to wear the exact costume his brothers had and I needed a theme to go with it. That and well Wizard of Oz with mom as Dorothy was too cute.

9)      I did my son’s puzzle tonight, without him asking. I know I need to encourage his puzzle skills but his new interest has re-kindled my own interest and I couldn’t put the pieces down.

10)   I say “just a minute, just a minute” a lot. Not because I am busy but because well, sometimes I just don’t want to play another game of Monopoly or have my “boo boo’s” looked at by my in-house doctors.

11)   I most definitely let my kids watch too much T.V. Yes, Disney is often my babysitter when mama needs a break. Even if our TV allotment for the day has been reached.

12)   I make big (and silly) proclamations and threats. And then don’t follow through. If you don’t get out the door in 2 minutes I’m gonna go without you. Oooh, this is so wrong. I would never ever do that!

13)   I let my kids sit and read gossip magazines instead of reading to them.Reading is actually really hard for me so I try to do the bare minimum. Not good. I know. But US Weekly can teach a lot, right?

#3 one year ago in the waiting room for Speech Therapy.


14)   I don’t wear make-up or stylish clothes (or even clean clothes) and look all presentable and pretty. In fact, I don’t know how to apply makeup. I wore eye liner for the first time when I had my wedding make up trial done. At age 23.

15)   I don’t get down and play with my kids on the floor a lot. Yes, I do do it. I do unplug and unwind and focus on them but definitely not as much as I dream of.

16)   I might not yell, but on occasion I still shame my kids. I just do it in a really passive aggressively quiet voice. It doesn’t break my rules but I still need to work on it.

17)   I might not yell, but I still am a snap-happy person. Sometimes so much that I think I should have made this blog the “snapping green turtle” blog.

18)   I make my kids take boat loads of family pictures even though I know they hate it. Even if they are whining and moaning and groaning about how miserable they are, I still force them to sit still and smile. Yeah, this approach always works and makes great pictures. As if.

19)   I call to my kids from across the room to do something knowing that it won’t work. Then again sometimes going across the room doesn’t work either!

20)   I handed peanut butter crackers to my son who is allergic to peanut butter. I’d like to say it was to test him. But it wasn’t. I forgot which kid I was making a snack for.

Ahhh, I ain’t perfect. And I am perfectly okay with that (on most days). Because I am a work in progress. Aren’t we all?

The Orange Rhino

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