I've never experienced this before. I have two wonderful children and with each of them we were "trying". The first took about 7 months but our attitude was more like "let's just stop trying NOT to have kids". Then with number two we decided to start trying cuz, "it took a while the first time". Well it took a month.
We were in the process of discussing #3. Should we? We had a serious health scare with #2 and I so don't want to go through that again (I know, there are no guarantees in life, but handing your 6 month old to a surgical team and saying be careful with her brain is a little unnerving). There is also the fact that we are both getting older. My husband just turned 40 and I younger, although I am now considered "advanced maternal age". It is not really that so much as it is the keeping up. Its hard to keep up.
My son is 5 and he is active. The boy just doesn't stop. While most people are looking for ways to keep their children active - I'm praying for a ten minute break. "No I don't want to play golf again - how about a little Jake and the Neverland Pirates?" God bless the television!
Then there is the 2 year old. She is about to turn 2, she was the one with the health scare, but she is the most laid back child ever. She just goes with the flow - always has. I swear - no joke - she slept 6 hours straight through the night since I brought her home and there were no nurses around to wake us. The kid is a blessing!
I feel like I'm due for trouble...you know...a crying, whiney, crabby baby.
Then of course I was looking forward to getting back in the workforce soon. Our plan was that when the kids were back in school, I would start looking for work. Getting back to work is appealing to me. Don't get me wrong - I love being home with my kids - I just really do enjoy my career too. Looks like that will be pushed back another 5 years or so.
Then there is the fact that we live in a small ranch style house. 1200 square feet of living space is fine in the summer when we are outside alot, but come winter in the midwest and 1200 square feet starts to really close in on you. Can we buy a bigger home? Can we afford it? If we can, where do we move to?
Oh, the questions...the confusion...the shock...so many emotions!
All this went through my mind in the first 5 minutes following the three minute waiting period when you pee on that little white stick. I walked into the living room and looked out the front door. And there, on the otherside of the door was a hummingbird. I've never seen a humingbird at my house and I've lived here for 8 years. I don't have a feeder out or flowers that attract them. But there it was fluttering its wings a million miles a minute looking right at me - face to beak. I think our exchange lasted about 2 minutes. Then she flew off into the sunset, literally.
Here's what wikipedia says:
Hummingbirds, called new world birds cause they are native to North America, Central and South America, are considered to be symbols of peace, love and happiness, moreover, ancient pagans held them sacred for their tireless energy and anxiety. In Native American culture, a hummingbird symbolizes timless joy and the Nectar of Life. It's a symbol for accomplishing that which seems impossible and will teach you how to find the miracle of joyful living from your own life circumstances. They are really spectacular birds, and have a lot to teach a person about self discovery and healing. Animal-Speak: The Spiritual & Magical Powers of Creatures Great & SmallBy: Ted Andrews
That seems about right doesn't it? I need to come to peace with this. Babies bring LOVE & HAPPINESS. I'll need tireless energy. And apparently, right now, I'm a little anxious.
But I like the Native American meaning. Timeless joy and the nectar of life. As if the bird knew that I needed to see her to know that this life was meant to be here. Not only for me, but for everyone. Already teaching me some self-discovery.
So - my motherly instinct says "GIRL". Any guesses???
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