Frick is smart. So smart, in fact, that he is in two high school classes as an 8th grader. I'm a proud mother, most of the time. However, this past week, and the reason for my radio silence, has been very difficult. With that degree of smartness, comes a great deal of trust on my part--trust that when he says, "I did it at school" or "I don't have any homework," he's generally telling the truth. Last semester, his grades went down to a C- in those classes and when we found out about it, we helped him bring his grades back up. In the end, last semester he pulled out all As and a B--muy importante as we get ready to move to a new state and are trying to avoid him repeating these classes as a freshman.
It's my fault, really, for not checking his homework every day. I foolishly assumed he was telling the truth, until I opened his scores and saw another C-. We are back to square one. After the initial anger wore off, I realized that it was less about the homework and more about the lying. Each day, when he came home, he made a conscious choice to lie. I changed my work hours for him. I praised him. I lifted him up. In return, he let me down, and it breaks my heart.
Some of you guys might think I'm being a little dramatic over a C-, but it isn't about the grade. It's about the heartbreaking choice my son made to intentionally deceive me on a daily basis. It's about looking at him and only seeing a dishonest person in front of me. It's about wanting to laugh at his jokes, but not being able to. How can he make jokes at a time when I'm so hurt? Life for him and me...it's just not funny right now. I'm sure another week or two will pass and we'll be back to our old selves, laughing, joking, and being merry. But I'm not there. He shouldn't be there either. Is my son truly becoming the great American teenager that everything talks about?
I want to look in his eyes and believe something--ANYTHING--that comes out of his mouth. I want to smile at him, not frown on him with the disdain that I'm feeling. I want us to be whole again and right now we're just..broken. Here's to a better week.
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