Hillbilly Haute -Unsolicited Commentary On The World At Large From A Chick Who Should Know Better

7 years ago

IF I WRITE IT, YOU WILL CARE

"You should do a blog." (Now, repeat 23423423x in your perkiest voice)

I should "do" the laundry in a timely fashion..like before it topples over on my toddlers head or "do" my toe nails that I neglect in the winter since the unforgiving sandals are safely on hiatus.

I dunno if I should "do" a blog. After all, seems to me that all those really good women out there would be baking fat free whole grain organic muffins or knitting a scarf from the wool they sheered with their own hands from a homeless sheep they rescued....during the time heathens like me would spend Buh-Loggggggggging.

Besides, I'm the anti-blog. Blogs are just forums for narcissists, both accomplished and aspiring, to freely practice their craft. Odes To Self as I call them.

Blogs are places where people who think they have really important stuff to say "share it", and by share, I mean, FORCE other people to read it (or pretend to read it).

Blogs can also be creepy.

Mommy blogs are filled with uteruses and lactation.

Political/Advocate blogs..ya know, that smart people stuff...often seem to show glimpses of potential sociopathy, rants that clearly make you question if the writer may have bodies buried in their basement.

Then the dreaded "diary" blogs...the worst of the worst. Regular every day average Joes and Janes who chronicle their life and feelings one keystroke at a time...forever claiming it to be "therapeutic". Let's face it, I've got issues of my own, I am so NOT into reading all of yours...and really, I give not one shit what you and your kids did last Sunday. Oh, and by the way, I'm not even sure I BELIEVE you. After all, if it was a diary for inner zen and therapy, it would be um..private. Since it's public, I'm pretty sure you've changed and/or embellished a few details so as to capture the attention OF THIS AUDIENCE you have chosen to appeal to.

So blogs suck. I don't want to write a damn blog. Instead, I will write the anti-blog.

I've hastily named my anti-blog, Hillbilly Haute. Honestly, it was the first thing that came to mind, but in keeping with the long tradition of blogs having some kind of literary merit (or pretending they do), I will add that the title is a reflection of me and the life experiences I tend to base my uninformed and unsolicited opinions on.

I'm a chick who knows what fork I'm supposed to use (Haute), but chooses the "little fork" (Hillbilly) because it fits better in my hand. I'm the chick that has silver platters (Haute), but they sit tarnished in a pile in the living room (Hillbilly) because I know I probably shouldn't get rid of them (Haute), but have no idea where the F to put them since I need space for my boybarian's video games (Hillbilly) in the Buffet (Haute).

I even made the layout of my (anti)blog pastel yellow, pink and green, the gang colors of the preppy country club madras loving bunch (Haute), but plan to litter the pages with un-polished (like my silver), slightly tacky and often unlady-like banter that would make my grandmother cringe (Hillbilly). See, symbolism doesn't escape me.

So, here we go. I'm hoping that all 2 of you who will read this (because you searched "Mommy Blogs" hoping for advice on what your 2 month old's crooked toe means and accidentally found me) will learn to embrace your Hillbilly and your Haute. Oh, and if you can't bring yourself to actually exercise the dichotomy in your everyday life(because you find me to be positively terrifying), then, at the very least, you can laugh. Hopefully it is not one of those rhythmic "hahhhahhaaa" laughs that ends with a sigh ("ahhhh")...because, well, not only is that super lame, but also, those are the kinds of things that might be material for me later.

This is an article written by a member of the SheKnows Community. The SheKnows editorial team has not edited, vetted or endorsed the content of this post. Want to join our amazing community and share your own story? Sign up here.
comments

More from parenting

Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | an hour ago
Parenting
by Sara Lindberg | 21 hours ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | a day ago
Parenting
by Julie Sprankles | a day ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 2 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 2 days ago
Parenting
by Elizabeth Weiss McGolerick | 2 days ago
Parenting
by SheKnows | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Claire Gillespie | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 5 days ago