Help Wanted: How to evade the empty nest

 

It’s no secret that I will be an empty-nester in just 3 weeks. I’ve talked a lot about giving thought to whether or not I should continue blogging. I started this blog for a few reasons, some (two actually, who shall remain nameless) of which are flying the coop . . . or leaving the nest . . .  or something.

I’ve been encouraged by some really amazing people who read this blog and join in conversations on my FB page to continue blogging. I wasn’t really sure I could without the causes of my stress and the eaters of my baked goods here. But after much thinking and weighing and soul searching, I’ve come up with a plan. Genius, really. I need replacements. New muses. And I know just how to do it. I’m taking applications.

It’s not a live-in job. I think we have less of a chance of my head exploding if I just hire the staff on an “as needed” basis this time around.

I encourage you, if you feel as though you're up to the challenge, to fill out the paperwork and start the process. Slackers need not apply.

Help Wanted - Baking In A Tornado

Job Application

 

Part One: Position

____ Taste Tester

____ Back Talker

____ Eye Roller

____ Mess Creater

____ Excuse maker

____ Any available position, I can do all of those

  

Part Two: Personal

    Name: ____________________________________________

    Aliases: ___________________________________________

    Number of Penitentiaries inhabited: ____________

    Hours available (check one):   ____ all    ____ none

 

Part Three: Health

Check one:  ____ Sane                      ____ A little Crackers        ____ Total Wackadoodle

                          ____ Passive                  ____ Aggressive                 ____ Passive/Aggressive

                           ____ Strong stomach                 ____ I’m a Puker   

                           ____ Convincing Liar                ____  I’m a Twitcher

                           ____ Strong Moral Compass      ____ Lost in the Woods

                    Number of times your stomach has been pumped: _____________________

                     Decibel level at which you play music: __________________________________

                    Number of minutes it takes to turn on every light in the house _______

                    Do you have a “tell” ____________________________________________________

                    

Part Four: Work History

Please list all previous jobs with skills pertinent to the position for which you are applying.

NOTE: Any applicants with references who will attest that you are well behaved, show up on time, maintain a clean work space, are respectful, answer phones and/or follow rules will be forced to spend time with my teenagers.

1. __________________________________________________________________________________

2. __________________________________________________________________________________

3. __________________________________________________________________________________

 

Part Five: Recommendations

Please list 3 people, living or dead, who will attest to your ability to roll your eyes, talk back, storm out of a room, make poor choices, eat your weight in chocolate, take two hour showers, sleep late, miss deadlines, and glare someone to death.

1. ___________________________________________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________________________________________

3. ___________________________________________________________________________________

 

Part Six: Corroborating Documentation

Attachments required:

____ Birth Certificate        ____ Death Certificate           ____ Green Card

____ Driver’s License         ____ Credit Card                         ____ Debit Card

____ Insurance Card          ____ blood alcohol level         ____ arrest record

____ credit score                   ____  IQ                                           ____ birth order

____ school transcript      ____ Voter Registration        ____ Will

____ mug shot                       ____ blood type                            ____ ERA

 

Part Seven: Wage Requirements

What are you willing to pay for this once in a lifetime experience? ____________

Is that negotiable? _______________________________________________________________

 

Waiver:

My signature herein serves as my word that all information provided on this application to be true   based in truth   somewhat true  not completely fabricated. Submission of this application absolves potential employer of all responsibility for anything, any time, anywhere and under any circumstances.

 

_______________________________        ____________________________         

            Applicant                                  Next of Kin

Interviews will be scheduled by employer. Baked goods will be supplied. BYOB.

Baking In A Tornado Signature

What baked goods will be provided at the interview? 

Berry Ricotta Cinnamon Cups - Baking In A Tornado

Visit the Berry Ricotta Cinnamon Cups recipe in the cross-post of this piece on BakingInATornado.com.

This is an article written by a member of the SheKnows Community. The SheKnows editorial team has not edited, vetted or endorsed the content of this post. Want to join our amazing community and share your own story? Sign up here.
comments

More from parenting

Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | an hour ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | a day ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | a day ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | a day ago
Parenting
by Lindsey Hunter Lopez | 2 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 4 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 4 days ago
Parenting
by Lindsey Hunter Lopez | 4 days ago
Parenting
by Sarah Bradley | 4 days ago
Parenting
by Maryal Miller | 4 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 5 days ago
Parenting
by Jennifer Mattern | 5 days ago