Harmony (And The Current Lack Of It In My Life)

4 years ago

This quote speaks to me today.  I haven't been in harmony for the past few weeks and have been working on sorting it out.  I think it's got something to do with the fact that the kids are growing up and moving on.  This is what you have kids for; you raise them so that they can go out on their own.  You want them to be independent, you want them to be self-reliant, you want them to be strong and make their own choices.

But it's driving me crazy lately.

Because I don't feel like I know what's going on in their lives.  They don't talk a lot at this age, plus they have recently moved from Facebook (one of my sources of info into their lives) to Instagram, which I can NOT figure out, plus they won't accept my friend request on it anyway and when I try to get info out of them verbally they basically only speak in monosyllables.

Me:  "How was school?"

Him:   "Fine, boring."

Me:  "What books are you reading in English?"

Him:  "Antigone."

Me:  "Oh boy, that's a tough read, even for me and I love to read.  What do you think of it?"

Him:  "It's boring."

And so on and so on.

It's strange to have 2 teenagers in the house.  It's like living with 4 grown adults all in one home, now.  I'm such a talker, I love to talk things out and over and all around; I'm a verbal person.  That's how I connect with people, it's how I sort things out, it's my way of making sense of my world.

They tell me I talk too much.  That's like saying I'm breathing too much, I don't even know how to do it any other way.

So....I'm holding my tongue.  I use short sentences.  I keep my thoughts to myself (for the most part) and avoid arguments.  I get so little out of them anyway, that if I start arguing with them about their lack of including me in their lives, I'll get even less.

So, I'm trying in other ways.  I cook more, I try to have a lot of food around and then I try to get them to eat more.  They're teenagers; they like to eat, so sometimes that works.  I'm spending more time with my friends, doing more with my husband, reading more.  It's weird to go from being completely immersed in their lives to being on the sidelines, watching them figure it out on their own.

Before I had kids, a smart friend told me that when you have kids, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree."  So, I bank on that.  I bank on the fact that we've raised them to be smart, to make wise and thoughtful choices, to be kind, to be compassionate.  There's not much else you really can do, I suppose.

I remind myself that they're not me.  My struggles at their age are not their struggles.  My mom friends tell me it's very age appropriate behavior and I hold on to that thought.  My older sister says that they "come back" when they're in their 20's.  I sure hope so.  In the meantime, I'm planning on whipping up a batch of brownies later today, so that the 3 of us can spend about 5 minutes of shared brownie eating time together when they get home from school.

I am so definitely going to blame any weight gaining that occurs, on them.


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