Good Crazy: Loving The Emotional Rollercoaster of Early Pregnancy
I have a child growing inside of me. As a woman, and before that a girl who took all the required sex ed classes and watched those slightly horrifying birth videos and engaged in the typical MASH style daydreaming of how many kids I would someday have in my very own mansion-apartment-shack-or-house, this fact should not come as such a surprise. But it does. I look at my abdomen, just now starting to resemble something a bit more significant than this afternoon’s lunch, and I think, My God. I think, Week 13, fingerprints. I think, You are already who you will always be.
Isn’t that crazy?
I’m like many women in that I’ve spent my adult years trying quite intentionally to not get pregnant. So when that changed, and when I found myself waiting for a period that didn’t come and taking an at-home test that thirty-seconds later announced “pregnant” with all the nonchalance in the world, I looked at my husband with a wide-eyed open-mouthed mix of fear and elation. It felt surreal, that word. It felt almost impossible. I mean, really: how does life just change that fast?
The truth is my husband and I are still adjusting. Still shocked sometimes at the unknowns. We wake up in the a.m. hours with an urgent need to measure closets or clear out old files. We feel like momma and poppa birds with winter on the way, uncertain if our home (not a mansion, alas, but a sweet little condo) will be big enough, quiet enough, kid-proof enough. We have questions. And we’ve been the type, up until now, who are pretty good at finding answers. But lately, more often than not, we are realizing that all that answer-hunting can wait.
Instead, we stop in the middle of the kitchen to touch my protruding middle, laugh about my embarrassingly strange pregnancy dreams, and recline into long conversations about everything we hope for this tiny boy or girl, already with fingerprints unique from anyone else’s on earth.
It is crazy, the way we made a decision to start a family, and the way that simple desire has led to a thousand other things that we can’t prepare for, not really. But good crazy, if you know what I mean. The type of emotions-a-rollercoaster, hands-in-the-air, life-all-a-tumble crazy where I just shake my head at what I don’t understand and can’t stop smiling.
Photo Credit: ivko999.
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