I remain convinced that my dreams are my gateway to greater soul awareness. I love having them even the crazy ones. You know the ones I mean, the ones that morph from one scene to another and seem to endlessly collect all the rhetoric of the day. For the most part, I recognize that the characters are simply parts of myself playing out a stage play of what I have embraced or made my own over the years. However, sometimes, just sometimes, I will have one that is predictive of an event to come. I'm not aware of it at the time, of course, but when that moment happens and I reflect on my dreams it becomes clear. I would like to share such a dream.
It happened in Alaska some years back. I found myself stuck in a religious organization that did not serve me. Stuck because I could not see beyond the limitations I, myself, had set like a closed up box. I was raised from infancy to believe that this group had the only means to salvation and had little, if any, contact to the outside world.
Along came the dream of change. I found myself in a large log cabin and it appeared that I was in the loft looking down. Everything was so bright and warm and I could smell the river flowing outside the cabin. Looking down I observed a man going over some sort of paperwork in his hand. He turned and looked up at me and said "Come on back, don't be shy, it is going to be okay." The emphasis of energy in this dream was centered around the feeling of peacefulness. It was so empowering that I did not want to leave the dream. To this day, it remains seared in my mind.
Since I was part of a group that believed that dreams were the foolish folly of the devil and loaded with trickery to get you to leave the bosom of the 'truth', I was unable to share it with anyone. It made me feel lonely but also gave me pause to thought. What did the dream mean? My dad was terminally ill maybe I was suppose to return to the Lower 48. After all, It was my home, full of rivers and log cabins. To make a long story short, my family and I returned and I did feel some sort of peacefulness but none to equate to the peacefulness in the dream.
A couple of months later, I made the conscious decision backed by action to separate myself from Jehovah's Witnesses. I was stepping out of a van and I hit the top of my head. My friend was very concerned and insisted that I go to her chiropractor. I laugh now because I really wasn't in that bad of shape until she started talking about all the folks she knew that were maimed, crippled and dead from a simple head injury. I can get carried with myself and it didn't take long for me to hop on board with her and become painfully in need of doctoring.
He was very nice. His name was Dr Michael Laz. Turned out he went to school with my sister so to some degree I felt relaxed. He came out and sat in the waiting room and we filled out the usual doctor questionnaire. He started to walk back to the examining room and as he was walking down the hall he turned to me and said, "Come on back, don't be shy, it is going be okay." I was immediately hyper alert because as he turned and spoke I knew he was the man in my dream.
At the end of my exam and treatment, I knew that this was an important event. I expounded on what I believed, what was surely the truth, what I thought mattered so much that I must of sounded like I had just climbed out the kitchen blender. As I was leaving he turned to me and said, "The only thing I know for sure is that nothing is for sure." I was hooked. It was the beginning of stepping out of slavery to not my beliefs but the beliefs formed by others.
I have lost contact with Dr. Laz over the years but remain ever grateful to him for his support and guidance to a young woman who knew not what she was doing. Most of all, I remain forever for the gift of dreams.
Susan Banner Todd
More from parenting