Five Signs You've Mastered Mom Stealth Mode
1. You take a full 60 seconds to simply close your baby's bedroom door while keeping the latch pulled as tight as possible, knowing that even the slightest click of metal on metal could wake the baby and nullify the entire 45 minutes of rocking and bouncing you just endured to put this screaming baby to sleep.
2. You are better than a ballerina en point as you tiptoe beside a sleeping child, through a maze of noise-making toys, using arms to keep balance so as not to wobble even an inch and risk tapping a button that would explode with the world's loudest version of The Wheels on the Bus.
3. You can "yell" at your spouse or older child in a fierce whisper tone that gets your point across without reaching a loud enough decibel to reach the sleeping baby's ears.
4. When your infant has disappeared from view on the video monitor, you crawl on your hands and knees into his room and peek into the crib to make sure he is still there, all the while calming your paranoid Mommy fears and hoping to go unnoticed by baby because honestly, the LAST thing you want to do is actually pick him up now that he's finally in his crib.
5. You can silently lower a raised toilet seat with your toes while balancing on one leg and holding a fast-asleep infant in your arms (because you don't DARE put your newborn baby down now that she is finally asleep) all the while cursing your husband under your breath for leaving the damn thing up in the first place.
Practice makes perfect and after the second kid, every woman will have mastered Mommy Stealth Mode. Congratulations, it’s now officially your hidden talent. Feel free to go shopping for your spy gear. You’ll need it once your kids hit the teenage years.
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