Fifth Birthday Parties Should Not Be This Complicated. Or Cost US$500.00.

5 years ago
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Things I am stressing about #23844 - 21837834:

I am freaking out about my daughter's fifth birthday party. We usually hold it at a pizza place, where all we do is bring it the cake and balloons and presents. Food and bevs are provided. Easy as can be.

This time, we're holding it at a friend's apartment's banquet/party room, in Kirkland, and I am freaking. out.

First because it's hard to find. Kirkland's not the easiest to navigate.

Second because parking is a BITCH. Her apartment is located smack-dab in the middle of a little town center thing, with shops and Starbuckes and mani/pedi places and boutiques galore. It's like one-stop shopping. Nice if you live there, as you can head downstairs and grab some Pho and then get a nice Thai massage and some doggie treats for your favorite canine pal, and maybe a bath of freshly made fudge or some funny scarves, but for those of us who want to park to see Sarah, at her apartment, you are shit out of luck for parking, because you're right in the middle of shopping land. I hear there's mysterious elusive underground retail parking, but I've never seen this. So I'm stressing about about even fining one parking place, let alone having my 25 guests each find a spot.

Then there's all the shit I have to bring. I have to stop on the way to get like three giant pizzas, bottles of champagne (because nothing says classy like a 5-year-old's birthday part with pizza and champagne). I have to pick up a veggie platter and a caesar salad kit and a salad bowl and bottles water and pop and maybe beer. I have to remember to get champagne flutes, and bring my pizza cutter, along with everything else like paper plates and cups and napkins and forks and such.

Then we have to figure out a way to get the baby nto nap SUPER early, which almost certainly won;t happen, because we have to be on the road by 1:45 or 2:00 pm at the latest, and she usually naps from like 1-3:30 or later. So we're going to have crazy babbby.

We were going to have a piñata, but after buying one, I nixed that idea because it was keeping me away at night Must get candy to fill it! Must find a way to hang it from the ceiling! Must get a stick! And did I mention how I'mona hang this fucker from the ceiling?? Must do so many thing to prepare for a got-damn motherfather piñata!! So back it went. Shipping it back and ate the difference in cost.

It's probably for the best.

The theme is rainbow (Maya's request), so I have to remember to bring and set up rainbow tablecloths, and hang up these pretty rainbow flower wall hangy things, and maybe flowers, and whatever else I bought when I was on Amazon buying rainbow shit up like a white demon.

Then I have to remember the goody bags. Crayons, sparkly rainbow sitckers, candy. I have to remember a big bow so as to put them all in so kids can grab what they want.

Then there's the cake. Still haven't ordered it yet, but will have to soon, and it's just one more thing to pick up on the way to Sarah's banquet room. I don''t know if they ca do a "Very Rainbow Cake," but here's hoping.

Oh and I have to buy a helium tank to fill our 29374932423 balloons, so that we can put some by the entrance door to guide people in, and also have some in the room itself. A HELIUM TANK! Just one more thing for this easily frazzled mother to remember.

I have to remember to bring a DVD or two, since there's an adjacent movie room that the kids can gravitate to when they're bored silly SINCE I HAVE NO OTHER GAMES PLANNED YAAAAY ME

I think this year, games are right out. No pin the tail, no piñata, no nothing. Kids are going to have to entertain themselves with the pool table and the balls thereon and hope there aren't too many smashed fingers.

Then I have to get the kids ready before we eve leave--party dresses, pretty hair, etc. I want to get Maya's hair braided specially for the occasion, but don't think I'll have time. And Naomi won't leave her ponytails in without yanking them out and chewing/choking on them.

So basically I'm freaking out about finding the place and parking; other people being able to find the place and park, getting to the store before the party; getting the helium tank and figuring that shit out; getting shit set up on time; and also everything else.

Why is this so complicated? Next year we're going to the pizza place for sure.

I swear, if I wasn't around, Kody would either forget the kids' birthdays or go to McDonalds or something with a few people. But as a mother, I worry about all this shit.

These are the kinds of thoughts that keep me up awake at night. Where my husband, and surely you, are like, "Don't worry, it will work out, one step at a time, it will all be fine!" But I cannot stop stressing out. This shouldn't be so hard. But I'm panicking. It's what I do. I worry. Nonstop.

Not to mention the OMG GERMS. First, Maya is likely to be sick on her her bithday, if the last four weeks have been any indication And second, so will every other kid. So we'll totally catch something else. Ugh. Kids. Parties. Kids + parties. Nightmare. I always bring a massive, mahoosive econo-sized jug of hand sani and place it promimently, but NO ONE USES IT before handhanding the food. I just can't undertand why.

So yea. Stress + OCD to the mex.

Any idea on how I can calm the shit down without just telling me to calm the shit down? I sweat to God this is just overwhelming