You know, the one above the desk that I promised in my 11 things to get rid of in 2011 post to purge?
Yes, this is it, this is the post where I name names and even post pictures. Be afraid, be very afraid. If you're me, that is.
If you are very very lucky, and treat me nicely, I might even take some "after" pictures tomorrow so you can see what a good girl I was. In the meantime, though, you'll have to suffice with these pictures of the "before" scene (including the "before" of the desk itself, a biohazard zone, which I cleaned off in early December and HAS REMAINED CLEAN FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH. I expect a parade. And chocolate cake.)
I hope these help you feel better about yourself because *you* would never let the clutter overtake *your* life to this extent. Oh no.
Pay special attention to the upper cabinets (again, I cleaned off the desk absolutely ages ago. It hasn't looked like this in WEEKS. The cabinets have doors, we can pretend like crap isn't there by just closing the door. Magic.) But the uppers, pay attention, as some of these items will be featured prominently later.
Okay, here's a few of the things I discovered in the bottomless pit that is the kitchen cabinets:
1. At least 4 dozen bubble envelopes, all sizes and in all kinds of states of disrepair. There is a broken part of my brain that won't let me discard a potentially usable bubble envelope, even though there are dozens of other bubble envelopes in better repair just an arm's-reach away. (Left and right side photos, all over the flipping place. If there's a nuclear holocaust, have no fear, I can safely ship small breakables.)
2. 2 baby books, completely empty. In my defense, I've already put one into the giveaway bag. It was a Marshall's impulse buy when I thought I might prefer the binder style to the book style. At this point ANY style would suffice since the second child's life has not been properly memorialized in a baby book. (Upper left corner, darker yellow box.)
3. 1 key to a car we haven't owned in more than four and a half years. Yes, I checked.
4. Husband's high school class ring. WTF? (It was in a box of stuff from the kitchen cabinet of the old house. That we moved out of in 2003.)
5. Wall calendar ("Your baby's first year" or some such) from oldest's first year in which I meticulously documented what he wore every single day. I told husband about this tonight, and of course his natural reply was, "Why the heck did you do that?" You see, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and the oldest was born, my camera printed on 35mm FILM and didn't keep track of the date and other metadata tags on each digital picture file. Because there WERE NO DIGITAL PICTURE FILES. At least not until I got a digital camera when the now-9 year old was about 4 months old. This also begs the question - didn't I have anything else to do? (answer: yes, I worked and I think this was my way of coping with the separation, I'd dress him each morning and log it on his calendar. Every day.)
6. Ticket stubs from Wiggles Live! The things we do for our children (they loved it.)
7. An incomplete set of tails for the donkey. No donkey. The donkey is MIA. If you have the donkey, have seen the donkey, or know anything about the donkey, I urge you to contact me ASAP to reunite donkey with his missing tails. I imagine his hiney is cold.
I write on Suburban (In)sanity. I have two kids, two cats, a dog, a husband and a minivan. I live in the suburbs now and try to stay sane. Some days, I succeed.
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