Everyone HAS one, but no one ever wants to share it! Enough already... I'll show you MINE if you show me YOURS!
We all have one: that embarrassing moment, when you realize that you just did something really, really stupid and pray that there were no witnesses. I remember my first.
My parents had taken us to the mall that day, which was unusual because they never did. I was bored and wandered off to go touch stuff. I ended up sitting on the floor in the middle of the store–watching herds of people do their best to not kick me in the head. I knew I was in the way, but I didn't care. Then the crowd began to grow, and so did my desire to find my parents. I crawled around, dodging loafers and high heels, until I spotted the khaki stick attached to my father. I remembered he was wearing dress pants that day–again, highly unusual. I sat down on the floor next to his leg and started to play with his shoelaces. Then it dawned on me... he was wearing new shoes, and they were NICE! Where the hell did he get the money to buy new shoes, while we're all stuck wearing Buster Brown knock-offs? Wait till MOMfinds out! "Where did you get these shoes?" I yelled, but there was no response. "Dad!" I screamed, "Where did you get these sh--" <I looked up> It wasn't my father, just some guy standing there waiting for his wife. He smiled back down at me and laughed, "Well HELLO there!" I couldn't breathe and I was pretty sure it was because I had just swallowed my tongue. For a second, I thought the place was on fire; but quickly realized that the only flames burning in the store were the ones coming out of my face. There was nowhere to hide and no one to help me... I was doomed.
When I finally found my REAL father and told him what had happened, he laughed. In fact, he laughed so hard, that we thought he might be having a seizure. So typical of my father, I tell him I feel stupid and he calls me an idiot. At least this time I got the last laugh; because if I'm not mistaken, he's still walking around wearing those same old ugly shoes that my mother picked up at a thrift store back in 1969, and I'm pretty sure he still thinks they were made in Italy. Who feels stupid NOW?
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