Emotions Turned to Tears.

7 years ago
"The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man. The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent." ~Frank Pittman

Two months passes by and I hear nothing from Brian. I was glad because I want him to go away. After the last episode that happened there is no way in hell  I can ever allow him to even speak to Katelyn. katelyn doesn't ask about him and if his name gets brought up she just says that he makes bad choices and she doesn't want to see him or be around him. She's been dealing with everything really well and has been really happy lately.

He's been on a binge for a week. Chrissie kicked him out and he's back at his moms. Well apparently his stuff is there but he's been gone pretty much all week with his friends drinking/doing drugs. Then he ran out of money. So he came back to his mom's Sunday night. Then yesterday around 4 I get a text that says, "Tell Kate I love her". I don't respond. About 5 minutes passes and I get another one "PLEASE". I still didn't respond. I have nothing to say to him. I'm not giving him the satisfaction of a reply. I'm not going to tell Kate he says he loves her cause it's all bullshit. I won't lie to her. It really pissed me off that he had the balls to text me. When Kate and I got home I was in a sour mood because of it.

But as soon as we walked in the door and she went straight to danny and hugged him....that all melted away. It instantly brightened my mood and made me realize that it doesn't matter that her biological dad doesn't care. Blood means nothing in this case. Danny loves her and that's all that matters. He's there for her 150% and always will be. Then as I was cooking dinner I watched her get slightly frustrated with her homework. I was a little busy at the stove so Danny stepped in and helped her. I had to just face the stove and let the tears roll down my face. I didn't want them to see me crying. They were happy tears, but still...I literally felt like my heart was going to come out of my chest. I can't even explain it. I was overwhelmed with emotions and they came out in tears. I love our home, I love all of our nice things. I love feeling financially stable. I love all of that. But the thing that I love the most - is the relationship he has with my kids. I feel very blessed and I made sure to tell him after she went to bed how much it means to me that he is so amazing to my kids.  My eyes are welling up with tears again  and I need to end this since I'm at work.

I just wanted to document this because I feel blessed ALL the time but I was so overcome by emotion last night - it was just WOW. I need to remember these times when Brian pisses me off. It's not worth being upset over - because Katelyn has all she needs with me and Danny. Brian has shown that he isn't going to be a good dad and I'm ready to let go of him ever being what Katelyn deserves.

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